101 Things The BAU Aren't Allowed To Do
by whitecrossgirl
Summary: When they aren't fighting serial killers, the BAU team can be almost as crazy as the people they hunt. Therefore a list of rules have been created to keep them in line. 101 to be precise. The rules and the reasoning behind each rule can be found within. Humour and slight insanity awaits...
1. Rule 1

**AN: Ok for the past while I have been coming up with a list of things that the BAU aren't allowed to do. Most of this is hopefully funny and as the title suggests, I'm aiming for 101 of these. If you have a suggestion feel free to add it. Enjoy.**

Special Agent Derek Morgan was bored. The serial killers of the USA had all decided to have time off which was normally a good thing. It meant semi-regular hours at the office, sleeping in his own bed, being able to kick back and have fun however boredom had set in. Paperwork was boring. Listening to Reid was even more boring. Emily refusing to help distract him added to the boredom. So with nothing to do and nothing interesting to distract him, Derek Morgan was bored.

Little known fact, bored Derek Morgan led to immature Derek Morgan. Immature Derek Morgan liked to bother and annoy people just for kicks and there was one thing he did which was his specialty.

It started quietly, barely more than a whisper but Morgan was grinning while he did it and after a few verses, he started getting louder.

"_I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes. I know a son-"_ Morgan kept singing until he got Emily and Reid's attention. Whilst Reid gave him a confused look and tried to ignore it, Emily was more direct.

"What are you doing?" Emily asked. Morgan had been singing that constantly for the past five minutes and it was starting to bug her.

"Singing." Morgan replied. "_I know a song-"_

"Why are you singing?" Emily cut in again, trying to keep him distracted so he would stop freaking singing.

"Bored." Morgan answered with a grin. "Why? Is it bugging you?"

"What do you think?" Emily retorted, feeling the pangs of an incoming headache. '_I belong in this team. I fought to be on this team. I can handle this.'_ She thought to herself. It was still fairly early days for her being part of the BAU team so having Morgan unexpectedly start singing in the bullpen because he was bored was not something she was used to. _Yet._ A voice in her head added and she squashed that thought. this could not be a regular thing.

"Good." Morgan smirked and started singing again. "_I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes. I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes."_

"How can you put up with this?" Emily asked Reid who pointed to his ears. Whilst Emily and Morgan had been talking, he had had the foresight to stick ear plugs in his ears. Working with Morgan over the past two years meant the genius was prepared. The three of them were the only people in the bullpen, B team was out on another case, JJ was holed up in her office, Gideon was in his office, Hotch was in a meeting with Strauss (Emily's blood boiled at the mere thought of the woman) so it was just her stuck having to deal with Morgan and his singing.

"_I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves. I know a song that'll get on your nerves and this is how it goes."_ Morgan slid his chair over towards Emily's desk and slid back to his own before she could slap him. All the while he kept singing and occasionally tossing scraps of paper or pen caps at Emily and Reid, trying to gauge a reaction out of them. Reid was in his own little world but flinched when paper or pen lids hit him and he could see Emily was fighting to regain control of her temper.

"_I KNOW A SONG THAT'LL GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES. I KNOW A SONG THAT'LL GET ON YOUR NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES._ _I KNOW A SONG THAT'LL GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES, GET ON YOUR NERVES. I KNOW A SONG THAT'LL GET ON YOUR NERVES AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES._ _I KNOW A-"_ Morgan had was almost yelling at this point and had finally gotten Reid and Gideon's attention, the senior agent chose to ignore them again and Emily finally snapped, getting to her feet and grabbing Morgan by the throat, not tight enough to cut off his breathing but enough for her to make her point.

"I swear to God Morgan, one more word out of you and I'll make it look like an accident!" Emily threatened as Hotch walked into the bullpen and wasn't even fazed at the sight of Emily having Morgan by the throat.

"Prentiss why are you strangling Morgan?" Hotch asked rubbing his temples. He'd just endured an hour of Strauss yelling at him and tearing him a new one and his head was killing him. The last thing he needed was to cover up a murder by one of his team. Again.

"He won't stop with the _'I know a song_'. He's been doing it for the past half hour. I'm a patient person Hotch but I have limits." Emily replied, still holding onto Morgan's throat and ignoring his attempts to pull her hand away.

"Alright, Prentiss stop strangling Morgan. Morgan stop with the singing and grow up." Hotch ordered and went up to his office. Emily let go of Morgan's throat and sat back down at her desk to continue her work. Morgan rubbed his throat and grinned at Emily, still feeling a spark of immaturity in him.

"Hey Prentiss," Morgan began but Emily opened her desk drawer and pulled out her (unloaded) gun and aimed it at him.

"Don't even think about it." Emily warned.

Morgan, wisely, stayed quiet for the rest of the day.

**Rule 1: Morgan isn't allowed to sing 'I know a song that'll get on your nerves'.**


	2. Rule 2

**AN: Thanks for the reviews, follows and favourites it means a lot. Hope you all enjoy this next chapter. Also these stories aren't in chronological order they'll jump between series to what I think is most appropriate**

The team were gathered around the bullpen, perched on chairs or desks and enjoying the brief time away from fighting crime, hunting criminals and writing up paperwork to fill their empty stomachs. As JJ, Alex and Penelope had a deep intellectual debate about whether Rossi and Strauss were secretly having an affair or not, Morgan, Reid and surprisingly Hotch were tossing a bunch of grapes Reid had into each other's mouths. Morgan threw a grape in Reid's general direction but missed, hitting JJ in the face.

"Morgan!" JJ snapped and tossed a piece of her sandwich at him, hitting him in the chest and getting mayonnaise on his shirt.

"Don't start what you can't finish." Morgan warned and pelted her and Garcia with grapes, prompting Garcia to toss a handful of salad at him, part of which hit Alex who tore off some of her roll and threw back at her and Hotch who aimed some of his lunch at JJ. At this point the other agents who had been quietly enjoying their own lunch had been watching them and tossed food in their direction too. Both BAU teams looked at each other, sizing up their competition and came to the same conclusion just as Garcia yelled the two words they had all been thinking aloud.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The bullpen immediately fell into chaos with food and drink being fired anywhere and everywhere. Agents turned on their teams and each other, simply belting anyone they could with food. Some tried to take refuge under desks but they became the biggest targets. Agents on both teams ran around to get hits on other agents from behind before falling back into their own teams and the food fight turned into an A Team vs B Team war. Reid, Garcia and Anderson all each took stuff from the kitchen area for their arsenal such as sugar, milk and coffee beans and fired them in every direction. There were screams, battle cries and laughter as all of them felt their minds de-stress from the pressures of the job and it felt good to simply have fun and laugh for once.

Sadly all good things must come to an end and just as Morgan emptied a bottle of milk over three members of B Team, Strauss and Rossi walked into the bullpen and everything came to a complete standstill. Everyone froze where they were, still with arms bent back to throw their latest missile or ducking to avoid another blow. There was nothing to break the silence but the steady dripping of milk and the splattering of a quickly dropped handful of squashed up bread.

"What is the meaning of this?" Strauss asked testily looking around at all the agents.

"Team building exercise?" Hotch attempted as all the agents waited on the inevitable explosion. Strauss looked at Rossi who was smirking at them. It wasn't the first food fight the BAU had seen, 1989 was a memorable one.

"Very well, then your next team building exercise will be to clean this mess within an hour or else all of you will be suspended." Strauss warned and walked off, hiding a smirk as the agents looked at each other dumbfounded

"Was she being nice?" Alex asked unsurely. Strauss wasn't nice. That wasn't her thing.

"I don't know, maybe that's her good twin." Reid suggested, all of them rolling their eyes at the memory of Reid's infamous twin theory.

"Let's just get this cleaned up." Hotch suggested and the agents trooped off to find mops, buckets, bin bags and brushes and begin restoring the bullpen to its normal state.

For about ten minutes they worked in silence, sweeping up remains, scrubbing the walls and desks when Reid accidentally splashed Morgan when he put his sponge back into the bucket. Morgan looked at Reid and threw his sponge at him. There was a split-second pause as the two contemplated starting another battle but shook their heads and continued cleaning. They would maybe start a water fight at some point.

But not today.

**Rule 2: Agents are not allowed to start food fights in the bullpen.**


	3. Rule 3

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews and feedback, I'm glad you guys are all enjoying it. **

Emily rubbed her aching head as she attempted to start writing up the report from their disaster of a last case. Her head was pounding, the bandage was irritating her skin and she was pretty sure there was a dent in her skull. She just did not want to be at work today but given the fight both her and Hotch had had to make to keep their jobs and the team together after Gideon went AWOL and Strauss tried to get Hotch fired; it would be a bad move to take the day off.

Thankfully Morgan, Reid and JJ were grateful they had gotten one over on Strauss and that their team was, for the most part, still together and were careful to support Emily who was still bandaged up and Hotch who had turned up to work late, looking as though he hadn't slept and had been holed up in his office all day. Reid passed Emily some painkillers and Morgan set a cup of coffee on her desk.

"Should get brained by an Unsub more often if it means you're being this nice to me." Emily smiled before taking two painkillers and a mouthful of coffee.

"It's not just that, you got the witch off our back." Morgan stated and Emily rolled her eyes.

"For now, you know what she's like." Emily said warningly and the three agents shared dark looks with one another.

"She's just too determined. She wants Hotch out and replaced with someone who'll do what she wants and once she has that, we could all be next." Reid stated. The idea was unbearable to consider; the BAU team was more than a team, they were family. It was bad enough that Gideon was gone but this was something else altogether.

"That's not going to happen. We beat her back once, we can do it again. We're the best at what we do and she knows she won't get better." Morgan insisted confidently. Strauss could do whatever she liked, she wasn't going to get rid of any of them.

"Exactly," Emily reasoned as the witch herself walked into the bullpen.

"Agent Prentiss, where is your write up of the previous case?" Strauss demanded, Emily glanced at Morgan and Reid before turning to Strauss, looking at the woman in disbelief.

"Well considering I spent half this case technically not part of the BAU and the other getting my head bashed in with a 2x4 I doubt there is much I can say about this case." Emily retorted sharply, making a point to even rub the bandages on her temple to prove her point.

"You are still on thin ice Agent Prentiss and I still have the power to remove you from this team if you are not careful. Is that understood?" Strauss claimed sternly and Emily nodded.

"Yes Ma'am." Emily said in her politest _'Screw you'_ tone. Strauss glared at the agents again before walking up to Hotch's office, probably to give him yet another ear-bashing, oblivious to the glares the three agents were giving her. "God I hate her."

"Me too," Morgan said heavily. "I try and see some good in people but her, I just can't."

"I know she's just doing her job but there's limits." Reid added and looked at Emily. "If you want I can do that for you."

"I think I should. You heard her after all," Emily replied before performing a mocking but accurate impression of Strauss. "_You're still on thin ice Agent Prentiss._ Bitch."

"What was that? Agent Prentiss, my office. Now!" Strauss demanded as she came out of Hotch's office, glaring at Emily.

"Shit," Emily muttered under her breath before getting up and following Strauss to her office.

**Rule 3: Agents are not allowed to do impressions of other agents. Especially Strauss.**


	4. Rule 4

**AN: Again thank you so much for all the feedback and support for this story.**

"Place your bets! Place your bets!" Morgan called loudly, shaking the box to ensure everyone heard the sound of money shaking around inside it. Not that he needed to gain anyone's attention, given that both he and Emily were standing on his desk and shouting loudly enough for everyone to hear. Morgan was holding the box of money and Emily held a clipboard covered with numbers, bets and names.

"We've got excellent odds on everything from who's next to be hospitalised- 2/1 odds that'll be Dr Spencer Reid- to who is next to meet their archenemy- Agent Hotchner is leading that with 5/1 odds." Emily added ignoring Reid's cry of protest at being the one most likely to wind up in hospital. Well… just because he was injury prone at times.

"Why am I the one who's most likely to meet their archenemy?" Hotch asked Morgan and Emily who shrugged their shoulders.

"Luck of the draw I suppose," JJ provided. "There are also running pools on the likelihood that Rossi and Strauss had something going on back in the old days. 5/1 says 'No' and 10/1 says 'Yes'."

"And when will JJ finally become Mrs LaMontagne, either within the next year, next five years or next ten years; different odds for each." Reid added to steer the topic away from that mental image JJ provided them with.

"Also who is most likely to be have some deep dark secret from the past come back to haunt them? Emily's leading that one on 10/1." Morgan said as he took different amounts of money from other agents and one another.

Emily glared at him, why her? Just because she had some personal secrets and some of her past work was Highly Classified Information didn't mean someone or some secret from her past would come back to haunt her.

"And Morgan is leading the pool on who is most likely to do something stupid. He does it on a daily basis so it's an easy win." Emily retorted as she accepted more money and wrote out a betting slip to Anderson who was offering 7/1 odds of JJ being the next one in hospital even though it had already been decided that her pregnancy didn't count as a reason for being hospitalised.

"What are the odds of you getting in trouble for running a betting pool?" Hotch asked in an amused tone. He was tempted to put down a few bets himself, obviously not the archenemy one (Why was it him? Why not Emily, Dave or JJ?) but he would place bets on the ones he knew he would win. For example he already knew the result on the Rossi and Strauss bet; he still got nightmares and flashbacks to that horrible day.

"Depends, what are the odds of you ratting us out? Everyone who makes a bet also undertakes an agreement to keep this on the down low." Emily replied as she and Morgan jumped off the desk before Hotch could provide the most obvious retort to their attempts at keeping a betting pool on the down low.

"Give me good odds on Reid being the next one to be held hostage and I won't say a word." Hotch decided taking a twenty dollar bill from his pocket.

"Ok Reid is on 4/1 on being the next one held hostage by an Unsub so that's good odds." Morgan said and Hotch handed over his money to the pair.

The betting pool actually maintained a good long life within the BAU with various bets being won, lost and cancelled due to circumstances. For example even though Hotch _was_ the next agent to meet his archenemy given what had happened with Foyet, it was considered in bad taste to have made bets over it and the money was given to him instead. Others were won in surprising circumstances such as those who bet JJ and Will would have married within 5 years won after their surprise wedding following the bank heist. The betting pool still remained part of the BAU to this day.

But as far as any of the higher ups were concerned, there was so such betting pool. After all making bets on the lives of fellow agents was strictly forbidden and highly unprofessional.

**Rule 4: Agents are not to start betting pools.**


	5. Rule 5

**AN: Thanks so much for all the reviews and feedback; the next 3 rules I have been referring to in my head as The Coffee Chronicles because they're based around our beloved Dr Reid and his obsession with coffee. Enjoy.**

Penelope Garcia was mad. No not just mad, she was furious. Normally she didn't get mad about anything but not today. Oh no, today her upbeat and cheerful mood had come crashing down because a certain boy genius proved himself to be an idiot. She adored the good doctor but there were no excuses for what he did.

He decapitated her favourite troll doll! He claimed it was an accident before confessing that her trolls always gave him the creeps for some reason. That was no reason to behead one and after Reid had fled her lair for his life, Penelope was fuming and trying to think up a suitable form of revenge. The only problem was that Reid was a master prankster and would be expecting her to retaliate. On the other hand, how would he like it if she destroyed something that he loved?

Just like that, she was hit with inspiration. Since Day One it had been a running joke in the BAU that Reid used more sugar than water in his coffee. It would be a pity if something were to happen to his coffee…

"How are you still alive?" Morgan asked Reid as he recounted what had happened in Garcia's lair, Reid looked at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know." Reid replied truthfully and Morgan smirked at the sentence which rarely left the genius' mouth. That was something they only heard once in a blue moon.

"I do," Emily replied, spinning around in her chair to face them. "Because you have more lives than a cat."

"Actually cats only have one life. The term originates from the animal's ability to their natural suppleness and ability to escape life-threatening situations. Also the ancient Egyptians believed that-" Reid began but Emily tossed a pen lid at him and smiled.

"Yeah that's what I just said. Figure of speech." Emily said as Morgan heard the sound of Penelope's shoes approaching and looked at Reid.

"Speaking of nine lives, I think you're about to lose another one of yours Pretty Boy." Morgan warned as Garcia walked into the bullpen, smiled warmly at them before going to the kitchen area to make herself coffee. There didn't seem to be any sign of her rage but then again Garcia was never this quiet around any of them. As he watched her make two cups of coffee, Morgan suddenly remembered some advice his father had given him as a child when he used to prank his sisters.

_When a woman is angry and quiet, never assume you're out of trouble. Never._

It had been good solid advice which saved his ass on many an occasion but somehow he figured Reid was unaware of such knowledge about women. For all his knowledge and expertise, the fairer sex was something Reid knew little about.

Whilst Morgan was lost in thought, Emily had mouthed the word 'Apologise' to Reid and gestured towards Garcia. Reid nodded and with the attitude of a condemned man going to his death, had gotten up from his seat and walked towards Garcia. As he approached her, Garcia turned and offered him a warm smile.

"Garcia I am so sorry about what happened." Reid apologised sincerely, he genuinely hadn't meant to do behead the doll. He had just been playing with a pair of scissors and the doll had been staring at him. Like it was judging him.

"It's fine," Penelope replied and handed him one of the cups in her hands. "Here, I know you're due another fix of the good stuff."

"Oh, um thank you." Reid replied and took a large swig of the warm liquid. Exactly 0.5 seconds later the floor had a large coffee stain on it and Reid was on his knees gagging and spitting up all over the place. Garcia looked at him unconcerned and returned to her lair as Morgan dumped the tainted cup down the sink and Emily grabbed a bin and set it on the floor in front of Reid and began rubbing his back.

"Salt. It was salt." Reid moaned before retching and vomiting into the bin. Normally he took eight spoonful's of sugar with his coffee and there had to be the equivalent or more of salt in that cup.

"It's OK Reid, just get it up." Emily said, using her left hand to rub his back and her right to hold back his hair. It had been a long time since she had had to hold someone's hair back and as Reid kept bringing up the entire contents of his stomach, she looked at Morgan who was still rinsing the salt out of the cup. Both of them had joked about doing the same to Reid at some point, possibly April Fool's Day but they now knew that that was probably the worst thing they could do.

**Rule 5: Never replace the sugar in Reid's coffee with salt. No matter what.**


	6. Rule 6

**AN: Here is the second part of the coffee chronicles. Enjoy.**

Anyone who thought that Agent Jennifer Jareau, Media Liaison for the Behavioural Analysis Unit was as sweet and innocent as she seemed was wrong.

Very wrong.

Underneath that innocent expression, aided by the blonde hair and blue eyes beat the heart and lurked the mind of a vicious prankster. It wasn't a side she liked to indulgence too often, she did have a reputation to protect, there were times when she had to let that wicked side out.

Like today. Morgan and Reid were still going at their prank war which they started in Boise a week ago and today JJ got caught in the crossfire of not one, but _two_ of their pranks. Not one to take something like that lying down and even though Hotch had pulled rank and ordered Morgan and Reid to quit their prank war; JJ still wanted to get payback. She just wasn't sure how. A bottle rocket of Reid's somehow launched itself into her office and wrecked the whole place and then Morgan aimed a water balloon at Reid but hit her in the face instead.

She was well justified in her revenge, JJ felt as inspiration hit her. It would take a bit of planning but she was determined that she could and would do it.

"Did you get that text off JJ last night?" Penelope asked Emily as they stood in the elevator to go up to their floor.

"Yeah, the machine must be broken or something. I'm trying to cut back on caffeine anyway." Emily replied and Penelope gave her a sympathetic look.

"How are you even awake then?" Penelope joked and Emily laughed and shrugged her shoulders as the elevator doors opened.

"Adrenaline and stubbornness. I'll see you later." Emily said as she walked into the bullpen. It seemed that almost everyone got the same text from JJ last night. Almost every agent she seen had takeaway cups of coffee or thermoses on their desks. Rossi had a large thermos which was probably filled with some sort of expensive imported coffee. Hotch however seemed to be channelling his inner college student as she spotted him drinking a can of Monster with at least three more waiting on his desk. The only two people however that seemed unaware of JJ's message was Morgan and Reid, both of them were standing in the kitchen area talking and drinking mugs of freshly made coffee.

Before she could question it or consider the issue any further, JJ herself walked into the bullpen armed with their latest case. Emily threw her bag down at her desk and followed Morgan and Reid up to the conference room. As they waited on Garcia to arrive, the rest of the team noticed the uncomfortable expressions on both Morgan and Reid's faces.

"Are you alright?" JJ asked in a deceptively innocent tone, watching them carefully.

"Fine, that coffee's just not agreeing with me." Morgan replied, wincing before Reid leapt to his feet. Reid didn't know what was wrong with him. All he knew was that he needed the toilet. Now.

"I gotta go!" Reid winced before sprinting out of the room as fast as he could.

"Yeah that coffee really went down the wrong way." Morgan said, hot on Reid's heels as the two agents sprinted down the steps and through the bullpen, heading for the men's toilets.

"What the hell?" Rossi asked as JJ smiled at them.

"They may have gotten a little something extra in their coffee this morning." JJ explained as she took an empty packet of laxatives from her pocket and showed it to them. The four agents walked out of the conference in time to hear Reid screaming like a little girl accompanied by Morgan's furious yell.

"WHO THE HELL SARAN WRAPPED THE GODDAMN TOILETS?"

As everyone in the vicinity burst out laughing, Hotch and Rossi looked at each other before looking at JJ who was leaning on the railings with Emily, both of them giggling like a pair of teenagers at the men's bathroom misfortunes. Laxatives and saran-wrapped toilets. Classic.

"Today is a good day." Emily giggled as she tried to imagine what Morgan and Reid must look like right now. JJ nodded and gave her best friend a high five as Hotch turned to her.

"JJ, I said no more pranks," Hotch stated wearily and JJ immediately stopped laughing. "You realise we won't be able to do that profile or likely any more for the rest of the day."

"Good prank JJ but next time, make sure you don't make it obvious it was you." Rossi advised as the two senior agents went to make sure Morgan and Reid were alright. JJ watched them leave, feeling chastened. She knew she shouldn't have done it but she just was so mad and wanted payback. Besides the looks on their faces was payback enough.

"It was worth it." JJ decided and returned to her office; unaware that revenge was being planned against her.

**Rule 6: Agents aren't allowed to spike anyone's coffee with laxatives and saran wrap the men's toilets.**


	7. Rule 7

**AN: Thanks for the feedback everyone, I'm glad you're enjoying it. also I did some google research for this chapter and from what I found, I strongly advise that you do NOT attempt this yourselves.**

If anyone asked, it was a behavioural science experiment. A study into addiction and its effects in both someone who was overdosed with their chosen addiction and someone who was cut off from theirs in order to draw comparisons and effectively study the impact of addiction. Information which could be used to further research into criminal behaviour and addiction therapy.

It wasn't the result of four FBI agents being bored and surfing YouTube.

"I really don't think this is a good idea." Reid said as the four stood grouped around Morgan's desk staring at the items before them; half a cup of freshly made coffee and a can of Red Bull.

"Come on Reid, if anyone can handle that caffeine overdose, it's you." Emily said encouragingly.

"We're all going to be here with you and we can get the EMTs if you need them." Garcia added as Morgan poured the can of Red Bull into the mug and stirred it. The liquid inside was a murky dark brown and gave off a smell that could only be described as pure caffeine. Reid carefully lifted the mug to his mouth and took a sip. His face screwed up at the taste but he kept on drinking. After a few mouthfuls, it didn't seem so bad. Finally he set the empty cup down on the desk and wiped his mouth.

"How do you feel Reid?" Morgan asked, watching Reid carefully for any sudden change or reaction from him.

"I feel OK," Reid replied. "Caffeine does take time to take effect but given the high amount the rate of effectiveness will have no doubt increased."

"Ok I'll write that down," Emily mused as she scribbled down notes on the notepad they had had the foresight to fetch. After all, everyone knew it wasn't just screwing around if you wrote it down. Thank you Mythbusters. "Immediate reaction shows no change in subject's behaviour."

"Sorry guys, we've got another one." JJ said walking into the bullpen, files in hand. The four 'scientists' looked at one another before Garcia went to get set up and the others made their way to the conference room. They had been under the impression today was a quiet day, hence why they had been on YouTube and did their experiment today. They literally had no idea what was going to happen.

As they took their seats in the conference room, it was Morgan who noted Reid's twitching foot and the way he kept flexing and un-flexing his hands. That had to be the beginning of the pent up energy and whispered as much to Emily who quickly scribbled it down as Hotch, Rossi and JJ came in.

'_5 minutes + an effect seems to have begun, the subject's feet and fingers have started twitching and energy levels have significantly increased.'_

"Ok this call came in from Portland; four women aged between 19 and 25 have all been reported missing over the last couple of months. Earlier today police uncovered two of the bodies; Sophie Jones and Danielle Richmond. The other two, Carmen McKnight and Laura Phillips are still missing." JJ explained as the images of four dark-haired women appeared on the screen.

"How long between each abduction?" Hotch asked.

"They can vary. Three weeks between the first abduction which was Sophie; five weeks later Danielle, four weeks later Carmen and then Laura disappeared three days ago." JJ answered. "From what the police can determine, Danielle has been dead for a month, Sophie even longer."

"If he's following a pattern of kidnapping after each kill, we have to assume Carmen may be dead." Rossi deduced, this was going to be a bad one.

"And with the police now aware, Laura's chances are less likely." Emily added; their fun with Reid now long forgotten in the wake of this new case. The job came first.

"Wheels up in 10," Hotch said and they quickly left the room. As the three agents grabbed their go-bags Reid was bouncing on the balls of his feet and shaking with the excess energy.

"Guys this was a big mistake. I feel all this energy and feel like I need to run but I can't run and I can't but there is way too much excess pent-up energy in me and we have to work the case and we're going to get into trouble and is everything going really slow or is it just me and why are you just standing there? Let's go le-" Reid's one-breath ramble was cut off with Emily clapping her hand over his mouth in order for her or Morgan to get a word in edgeways.

"It's going to be OK. We just need to focus on the case." Morgan reassured Reid as they got into the elevator and Emily quickly scribbled another note.

_10 minutes+ The subject's rate of speech has increased. Body twitching continues and increases due to energy build up. Effects also include full-body shaking, restlessness and rambling. Hopefully effects will wear off soon._

It was clear however that that would be easier said than done once they were actually on the jet and discussing the case. Trapped in the confines of the jet, Reid's pent up energy was becoming more and more desperate to get out and he was tapping his foot, drumming on the seat, twisting and shifting around like a fidgeting child and unwilling to speak, knowing that once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop.

"Spence are you OK? You haven't said a word all day?" JJ asked worriedly; he did seem to be pale and sweating a bit not to mention all the constant twitching and shaking he had been doing.

"Fine! I'm fine. Totally fine. Nothing wrong with me no sir, I mean ma'am. Let's just talk about the case will we? What's happening again, I wasn't really paying attention because I was feeling all funny and tingly and-"

"Reid!" Hotch snapped getting Reid to stop mid-rant and look at them all in horror.

"I'm sorry but we're doing an experiment and I don't like it anymore I feel all tingly and shaky and shivery and this is bad, this is bad, this is really, really bad. Guys I don't like this! I really don't like this!" Reid said all in one breath as Hotch, and Rossi looked at Morgan and Emily while JJ attempted to calm Reid down.

"It was his idea." Emily said quickly pointing at Morgan.

"What? No it wasn't!" Morgan denied. "Besides she's the one recording everything!"

"Oh I'm sorry_,_ who said _'Come on Pretty Boy it'll be awesome.'_? It was you not me!" Emily countered as Reid suddenly stood up, pale, sweating and shaking, swaying slightly as he tried to find his balance.

"I don't feel good," Reid said before he rushed to the bathroom. JJ followed him and held the door open to allow herself the room to rub his back as he got the coffee and Red Bull concoction out of his system. Rossi and Hotch shared a look before glaring at Morgan and Emily who shrank back in their seats, waiting on the inevitable explosion.

Once Reid had been set on the sofa with a blanket around him and both Morgan and Emily had been punished with doing everyone's write ups for a week; the team finally managed to turn their attention back to the case at hand. Reid seemed to be slowly calming down and when nobody was looking, Emily made a few more notes in her notepad.

_1 hour+ Subject has been shaking, restless, twitching, rambling and ranting when speaking. Speech rate increased dramatically with loss of control over what has been said. Subject also has been physically sick due to the high amount of caffeine and excess energy unable to be used up and now on bed rest in order to recover. Also observers have been caught and busted by the boss._

_Conclusion: Experiment is dangerous and certain to fail. __**DO NOT REPEAT!**_

**Rule 7: Agents are never to mix coffee and Red Bull. Not even in the name of science**


	8. Rule 8

**AN: Thanks again so much for all the feedback, you guys are awesome. Also I always saw the team as a family with Hotch and Prentiss as the parents; Morgan as the protective older brother, JJ as the sweet older sister, Garcia is the troublemaker and Reid as the baby. Alex would be the cool, smart cousin and Rossi is the cool uncle who lets them get away with everything.**

"Is the coast clear?" Morgan whispered to JJ as she crept out of the elevator, followed by Morgan, Garcia and Reid.

"Yeah I think so," JJ replied, slipping off her heels in order to creep quietly, well as quietly as she could down the carpeted floor. Garcia did the same and the four of them tiptoed/stumbled down the hallway and around the corner to where their rooms where. However the second they rounded the corner, all four of them froze at the sight of both Hotch and Emily standing in the middle of the hallway, armed folded across their chests and looking every inch like disapproving parents. They were busted.

"And what sort of time do you call this?" Hotch asked the four agents who weren't drunk, just a little buzzed from going out on the town. This case had been a hard one and normally they waited until the end to do such a thing but this had been really tough. They weren't even drunk, it was more about finding a dance floor and letting off steam than drinking.

Then again the five shots for $5 was a deal none of them had seen since college.

"1 am," Garcia replied sheepishly. Go figure, the one time she joins them on a case and they get busted like a bunch of teenagers.

"Are you usually allowed to go drinking before the case is over?" Emily asked, it was hypocritical for her to argue about anyone going out for a night out but she waited until the case was over. Then admittedly all bets were off.

"Jeez Mom we're sorry," Reid blurted out causing everyone to look at him. JJ bit the inside of her lip to hold back a laugh whereas Morgan let a snicker out before quickly masking it with a cough.

"What did you just call me?" Emily asked Reid who looked horrified.

"Nothing." Reid squeaked out in response. This was it. He was gonna die. He was too young to die!

"Well seeing as you're acting like a bunch of teenagers, maybe we should treat you like a bunch of teenagers. You're grounded." Hotch stated, he was getting serious flashbacks to when Sean was a teenager. Hopefully Jack wouldn't be like this in about fifteen years' time.

"What? You can't ground us, we're adults." Morgan argued.

"Even so, for the next month you're all on a drinking ban. No alcohol before, during or after a case; no matter how bad it is and you're all doing our write ups for the next two weeks." Hotch said; it was a suitable enough punishment they felt. If the team were so desperate then cutting them off from it would do them good, also the extra paperwork would remind them to keep focused on the job.

"What?" Morgan and Garcia repeated as JJ shoved them both on the shoulder. It had been their idea in the first place.

"Told you this was a bad idea, now you pissed off Mom and Dad!" JJ snapped, clapping a hand over her mouth when she realised what she's said. "Oops. Sorry,"

"Just go get some sleep, we have to be back at the precinct at 8 because in case you forget, we still have a case to work on and an unsub to catch, now go." Hotch said as the four agents silently went into each of their rooms, swapping dark looks with each other as they did so. Once all the doors were shut, Hotch and Emily looked at each other and shook their heads.

"Since when did our team become teenagers?" Hotch asked and Emily shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know but if any of them call me 'Mom' again, I'm not legally responsible for my actions." Emily replied.

"Same, you cover up my murders and I cover up yours." Hotch offered and Emily managed a smile.

"Deal, night Hotch." Emily said as she opened her room door.

"Night," Hotch replied as he did the same; still shaking his head at the actions of his team. Bunch of kids.

**Rule 8: Agents Hotchner and Prentiss aren't to be referred to as 'Mom' and 'Dad'.**


	9. Rule 9

**AN: Thanks again for all the feedback, this one is a companion piece to the last chapter and includes Jack for added cuteness. Enjoy.**

It was early one spring morning when Jack was off school that he got an apologetic call from Jess; she had come down with a bug and couldn't take Jack. Hotch looked at his son who was still eating his breakfast and smiled as the idea came to mind; it wouldn't hurt to bring him in for one day and JJ had promised it would be a quiet one. Plus Jack had been asking to see the team again, he had started referring to them as aunts and uncles.

"Hey Buddy, listen Aunt Jess is sick so you're gonna have to come to work with me, is that OK?" Hotch said.

"Yeah!" Jack replied excitedly. "We gonna fight the bad guys?"

"Not today," Hotch replied. "But you will be able to play with the team and remember the nickname we have for Dave? You can tell him it."

"Ok Daddy," Jack replied as he hurriedly began to finish his cereal before hurrying off to grab some of his toys and his own 'paperwork' which was actually a colouring book and some crayons to stuff into his little backpack. Hotch smiled at his son before they left the apartment and headed for the BAU.

Morgan, Emily, Garcia, JJ and Reid were all grouped in the bullpen, holding cups of coffee and enjoying a rare non-work related conversation when the doors opened and a loud shout of 'Uncle Derek!' reached their ears as a small figure crashed into Morgan's legs.

"Hey Jack," JJ smiled at him as Jack hugged all of them and Hotch walked over.

"Jess is sick and we're on stand down so it felt like the best option." Hotch explained to the team who nodded. They wouldn't mind having Jack with them for the day. He was a sweet boy and all of them doted on him.

"Hotch I gotta ask, why did he call me Uncle Derek?" Morgan asked; not that he had a problem with it, just that he wasn't expecting it.

"Well the team is like a family and it was Jack's idea. Why was that Jack?" Hotch asked and Jack turned and grinned at them all.

"Cos' you're heroes and all fight the bad guys!" Jack replied eagerly, swinging from Emily's hand. The women let out audible 'aws' at that and Morgan and Reid had proud smiles on their faces. To Jack, they were heroes too and there was just something amazing about having a small child call you a hero.

"Ok so we have Uncle Derek, who else is there?" Hotch prompted his son who beamed at them.

"Uncle Spence, Auntie Emily, Auntie Jenny and Auntie Penny. That rhymes!" Jack explained happily as Rossi finally noticed their presence and walked over to join the rest of the team. Hotch was the one who saw Dave coming and grinned at his son.

"And Jack, what was it I said you could call Dave?" Hotch said loud enough for Dave to hear as he gestured to him.

"Granddad!" Jack shouted loudly before running over to hug a stunned Dave. The team didn't bother to hide their laughter as Dave set Jack down and turned to Hotch.

"Care to explain." Dave asked as Hotch lifted Jack up into his arms.

"Well you've kind of been like a father to me," Hotch attempted but Dave just gave him a look that told him the explanation wasn't working.

"It makes sense, you are getting on in years." Reid stated unwittingly, going pale as Rossi turned on him and the rest of the team couldn't resist adding their own two cents worth at the older agent's expense.

"Yeah every time you chase down an unsub Pops, I think you're going to need a hip replacement." Morgan added cheekily as he quickly dodged a quickly-grabbed stapler with Dave flung at him.

"What's the matter _nonno?_ Getting old?" Emily quipped, the Italian word for 'grandfather' easily slipping into her sentence.

"Come on Gramps, what's wrong?" Garcia said; JJ was carefully keeping out of this. She picked her battles and she had the feeling this one would end badly. Hotch handed Jack to JJ as Dave glared at the five agents.

"I'll give you five seconds to run." Dave said and they all scattered as he began chasing after them. JJ and Jack watched as the others tried to out-run Dave; offering taunts of 'Come on Grandpa!' and the like as they ran around, avoiding Dave and laughing at his expense. Try as he might however, Dave couldn't find himself getting too angry at the team. For the first time in God knows how long, Hotch was laughing and having fun and the sound of Jack's laughter and cheering for his daddy was something so precious to hear. If it made the two of them happy after everything they had gone through, well that was fine by him.

"What's the matter old man? Are we going to have to put you in a home?"

Then again…

**Rule 9: Agent Rossi is not to be called 'Granddad' **


	10. Rule 10

**AN: Thanks again for all the feedback and since the last chapter had Jack, it's only fair that this one has Henry.**

"You ready to go Henry?" JJ called up the stairs, smiling at the sound of Henry stampeding down the stairs and breaking into a full grin at the sight of what he was wearing. Henry had dressed himself in his Halloween costume complete with mismatched socks and messenger bag. He sat himself at the table and JJ began to comb his hair.

"Now remember when you're at work with Mommy you have to be," JJ said and trailed off for henry to answer.

"Good boy!" Henry replied chewing on his toast. "Play with Unca Spence?"

"If he's not too busy," JJ replied, already knowing that Reid would drop whatever workload he had for the chance to play with Henry. It wasn't often that she brought Henry to the BAU but they had been briefly taken off rotation and Henry's nanny was ill so she had no other option. Will was on a double shift and with this stalker going after the team; JJ just wanted to be certain of Henry's safety. Memories of what happened the day of the bank heist were still fresh in all three of their minds. With all this going on, she knew that bringing Henry to the BAU was the safest option and nobody would argue with that.

Reid and Alex were sitting in the bullpen, comparing and contrasting their competitiveness with crossroads, and ignoring Rossi's now –weekly comment of _'_Happy Wednesday my nerds' when JJ walked into the bullpen and Henry ran over and jumped onto Reid's lap.

"Whoa, hey Henry!" Reid said, hugging his godson. "What are you doing here?"

"Here to play!" Henry replied happily.

"His nanny's sick and just with all this Replicator stuff, I want him to be somewhere safe." JJ explained to the others as they watched Henry start to tug at Reid to get him to stand up and play. As they watched, Reid suddenly squirmed uncomfortably as Henry accidentally tickled him.

"Ticklish Spence?" JJ asked playfully as Reid quickly shook his head. Show no weaknesses.

"No," Reid answered quickly as Morgan and Garcia walked in just in time to hear JJ question Reid. Henry ran over to hug his Auntie Penny as Morgan smirked at Reid.

"What's wrong Pretty Boy? You're not ticklish are you?" Morgan asked and again Reid quickly shook his head.

"No I'm not. Also ticklishness is mostly a-" What ticklishness was mostly, the team never did find out as both Morgan and JJ advanced on Reid and both began to tickle him. Reid attempted to fight them off but found himself doubled over with laughter at the assault especially under his arms and at his waist.

"Tickle Spence!" Henry shouted and pulled Garcia over to join in with the tickle attack. Reid managed to stop squirming and began to tickle Henry who squealed and squirmed and kicked out as the other three's attention turned to tickling both Reid and Henry. Rossi and Alex hung back to watch, laughing at the scene before them of the five in a pile on the floor tickling one another. They all had been under a lot of pressure lately with this stalker copying their crimes and it was good to see the team lightening up and having a bit of fun. Alex especially was pleased to see Reid laughing and she herself laughed as he pulled off Henry's shoes and began to tickle his feet. Whoever Phone Booth Girl was, Alex hoped she realised that Spencer Reid was a wonderful guy who deserved happiness.

Finally the tickle match came to an end when, unable to breathe with laughter and remembering that they were all supposed to be working; the team stopped and sat on the carpet. JJ hugged Henry to her as Reid handed back his little shoes for her to pull onto his feet. As they got their breath back, they couldn't help but smile at one another; having Henry around and the tickle fight had just lifted their spirits so much and it was exactly what all of them needed.

"Having fun?" Hotch asked, causing them all to jump. They looked up to see him standing against the railings outside his office but he wasn't looking strict, actually he was smiling back at them and his tablet was clutched in his hand. "Don't make a habit of it OK?"

"Ok," the four agents replied as they pulled themselves off the floor and smiled at one another.

"I think we should get back to work." JJ said and the others nodded in agreement. It had been fun but as they were reminded; they still had jobs to do and sadly tickle fights weren't part of the job description.

In London, Emily's phone buzzed with an incoming email. She glanced at her phone before using her computer to check her email account to find a new email and attachment from Hotch.

_New BAU interrogation tactics?- Hotch_

Emily clicked on the attached link and began to laugh at the recorded image of the team and little Henry all ganging up on Reid and starting a tickle fight, the camera also moved to show Rossi and Alex laughing at the sight before showing the team, laughing, shouting and having fun. When the video ended; Emily smiled to herself and saved the video to her computer just in case she felt like watching it again. Emily glanced at the framed photo on her desk of all the team with their arms around each other that had been taken at JJ's wedding.

"I miss you guys," Emily muttered before she got back to work.

**Rule 10: Tickle fights are forbidden, except for special circumstances**


	11. Rule 11

**AN: Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback and support you have all been giving me. This chapter is dedicated to **_**DS2010**_** for being the 100****th**** reviewer and I hope you all enjoy it.**

"What are you doing?" Reid asked Garcia curiously as she designed a t-shirt online. The design was that of a 'Baby on Board' car sign but Garcia had adapted the text so that it read 'BAU Baby on Board'.

"Just a little something for JJ." Garcia replied and Reid shook his head. If anything Garcia was more excited about JJ's baby than JJ and Will were. As Garcia showed him one of the onesies she had created on the website for the still-unnamed baby, Reid had an idea.

"What's this website called?" Reid asked her and Garcia wrote down the URL for him before pointing at him.

"I called dibs on being the cool godparent." Garcia reminded but Reid shrugged his shoulders and left her lair. He wasn't sure what would happen when JJ's baby was born, given The Reid Effect but that wasn't important right now. He had about four months to panic about that. This however was something for him. It had been in his head ever since the Angel Maker case and now he could actually do something about it.

A few weeks later the team were on the jet coming back from their latest case and taking the time to relax. Emily and JJ were talking about the preparations JJ and Will were making for the baby's ever-impending arrival. Hotch and Rossi were talking about Hotch having Jack for the weekend and it was Morgan who spotted the piece of fabric in Reid's go-bag which he had left open when fetching his latest books to re-read on the flight home.

"What's that?" Morgan asked, getting everyone's attention as he reached into the bag and pulled out the light blue t-shirt. It wasn't the t-shirt itself that had gotten his attention, more so what had been written on it. Reid was never really one for t-shirts, much less slogan t-shirts, despite all their best efforts to try and improve his wardrobe. Kid could be stubborn. Before the genius could grab it back, Morgan unfolded it and turned it so that everyone could see what was written on it.

"_It wasn't me. It was my eviler twin"_ was emblazoned on the t-shirt in large black letters for them all to see.

This time Hotch wasn't the only one who face-palmed.

**Rule 11: Reid isn't allowed a t-shirt that says "it wasn't me, it was my eviler twin"**

**(AN2: I do want one myself)**


	12. Rule 12

**AN: Thanks once again for all the feedback and I am hopefully ramping up the cuteness factor in this one.**

"Did you hear that?" Emily asked Garcia as they walked down the street. They had taken advantage of a long lunch and gone into the city. They had been doing a lot of it since Emily came back, wanting and needing to catch up on everything that happened as well as just having time to be friends. Normally they would invite JJ along but she was already meeting Will so it was just the two of them.

"Hear what?" Garcia asked, reaching out to grab Emily's arm as she went to walk towards the source of the supposed noise. "What are you doing? What if you get hurt?"

"I'll be fine," Emily replied with a shake of her head. If it wasn't broad daylight their little dialogue could have been straight from any horror movie. The young woman makes her lone way down the alley, separated from her friend as she investigates a creepy noise. All they needed was the ominous music or a masked maniac with a machete to start chasing her.

Like they didn't deal with that one a daily basis.

The noise seemed to be originating from halfway down the alley; a thin howling noise coming from inside a battered cardboard box. Emily looked into the box and tore off her coat to scoop up the contents of the box into her arms. How could someone do that? Leave something like this out in the open so carelessly. Some people were just so cruel. Garcia stared at what Emily was holding in shock.

"We have to go," Garcia said quickly and the two women returned to the BAU.

It was Morgan who noticed Emily and Garcia's return first. However the four men all noticed how Emily was carefully holding her coat in front of her and how Garcia followed her with a worried but excited look on her face. Also upon closer inspection, Emily's coat seemed to be wriggling about of its own accord.

"What's that?" Dave asked and Emily moved her coat back to reveal the skinny, small black German Shepherd puppy her and Garcia had found abandoned. The adorable little puppy was timid but sniffed and licked Morgan's hand when he reached it out to the puppy.

"Where did you find him?" Morgan asked as the puppy rubbed his head against his hand, looking attention.

"In an alley," Emily replied and smiled at Morgan. "And it's a bitch Morgan."

"It can't be more than a few weeks old, she really shouldn't be away from the mother but if it's been abandoned then it would need medical attention." Reid stated, keeping a fair distance from the puppy. Much like children, animals fell prey to The Reid Effect too.

"She's not going to bite you Reid, are you girl?" Garcia cooed to the puppy, taking it out of Emily's arms and allowing it to lick her face before handing the pup to a nervous Reid who quickly set her on the floor.

"Let me see," Dave said and lifted the puppy with experienced hands. Aside from being a little skinny and underfed there didn't seem to be anything wrong with it. The lack of itching the puppy was performing hopefully meant there were no fleas to worry about either. "So what are you going to call her?"

"Well it's a bitch so what about Strauss?" Morgan suggested cheekily, after doing a quick glance around to ensure Strauss was nowhere within ear shot.

"She hasn't been that bad recently," Hotch commented fairly; that was true. Ever since Emily's return and Strauss' return from the rehab clinic; there was almost something… nice about her. It was weird.

"True," Emily supplied, scratching the puppy's head. "What are we going to call you?"

"JJ!" Reid said unexpectedly as he spotted JJ walking towards them, the others gave him a curious look.

"You want to name the dog JJ?" Garcia asked as JJ reached them.

"What dog?" JJ asked before she spotted the dog, still in Dave's arms and instinctively took a step back. She had done her best to avoid dogs at all costs ever since the Tobias Henkel case. Almost being eaten alive by vicious dogs tended to do that to someone.

"It's ok JJ, she won't harm you." Emily reassured quickly. JJ nodded but still didn't make any move to touch or get any closer to the puppy.

"Where did you find it?" JJ asked. She had to admit the puppy looked cute but looks were deceptive.

"She'd been abandoned. We also need to decide who's going to keep her. I can't, I'm only allowed one pet at my place." Emily stated.

"I don't do dogs," JJ and Reid both said at the same time.

"I don't mind, Clooney could use some company. Besides, women love puppies." Morgan said and took the puppy off Dave. "You're going to live with me Princess, what do you think about that?"

The puppy, now called Princess barked happily and Morgan proudly carried her off back to his office as they quickly returned to work. They were all completely unaware of the chaos which a now happy (and fed after Morgan gave her half his lunch) and overexcited puppy was going to cause in the bullpen.

"Princess! No! Drop that! Bad girl!" Morgan snapped as Princess kept gnawing and chewing on his copy of Slaughterhouse V. Instead of stopping however, Princess turned and ran out of his office. Morgan swore under his breath and gave chase as the puppy ran into the bullpen and jumped onto Reid's lap, causing him to spill coffee over himself.

"Ow!" Reid shouted loudly as Princess jumped off his lap and huddled under his desk to continue tearing at the book clamped between her teeth. Emily handed Reid some tissues as Morgan ran into the bullpen and Reid pointed under his desk, sliding his chair out to let Morgan reach in and grab her. Before he could grab her, Princess darted through his hands and pausing only to leave a little 'gift' under Emily's desk. Princess ran through the glass doors as a pair of shocked agents from B-Team walked into the bullpen.

Morgan and Emily ran after Princess before skidding to a stop as they watched the puppy run into the one place they had hoped she would never enter. That had been the main reason that Princess was supposed to stay hidden in Morgan's office and now one or both of them was going to have to bite the bullet and be the one to grab Princess and take the blame for the damage done in the past five minutes.

"It's your dog!" Emily said quickly.

"You brought her here!" Morgan retorted as they heard Strauss yelling both their names. Her office door was open after all and she had heard both their voices in the hallway. Emily looked at Morgan and held out her fist.

"Well I'm not going in there!" Emily snapped.

"Neither am I!" Morgan insisted.

"Agents!" Strauss snapped as she stormed out of her office looking annoyed, Princess in her arms with a half-chewed file between her teeth.

"Explain," Strauss said firmly, looking at the two agents as Princess continued chewing at the file.

**Rule 12: Puppies are not to be brought into the BAU.**


	13. Rule 13

**AN: Thank you so much to everyone for all the amazing feedback for the last chapter. If I knew it would get such a good response I would have posted it way before then. Hope you enjoy this next one. This one is more for the ladies and if ever happened I would personally be very happy.**

It was early on Friday morning and in the BAU, the agents were going about their daily routines and work; hoping that none of them got called on a case. It was so close to the weekend and all of them were hoping to get to 5pm without being sent off across the country again.

All activity in the bullpen; paperwork, conversations, coffee making came to an abrupt halt as Derek Morgan walked through the doors. Morgan was casually walking through the bullpen and as he threw his go-bag at his desk. There was still a heavy silence in the bullpen as some like Reid discreetly looked away; some of the men gave Morgan envious looks or else trying not to laugh, the women however were whispering amongst one another and blushed at the sight of him.

Naturally one Penelope Garcia broke the silence with a loud wolf whistle which caused everyone to laugh and the tension to break. Morgan seemed oblivious to the attention he was receiving and the obvious reason for it therefore since someone had to ask; Emily decided she would.

"Um Morgan, did you forget something this morning?" Emily asked, gesturing towards him. Morgan smiled and moved his seat backwards.

"Why, like what you see?" Morgan asked teasingly. Emily promptly slapped him on the back of the head as Hotch emerged from his office and rolled his eyes at Morgan; not even fazed by his actions. This wasn't the first time.

"Morgan we talked about this." Hotch said rubbing at his temples. One quiet day; just one quiet day was too much to ask for in this job. He really should stop hoping for it by now.

"Come on Hotch," Morgan tried but faltered as Hotch glared at him and Morgan unwillingly grabbed his go-bag and walked off towards the men's room.

"Hate to see you leave but I love to watch you go!" Garcia called to more laughter and wolf-whistles; especially from the women as Morgan, clad only in his shirt and a pair of tight white boxer shorts, went to put on a pair of pants.

**Rule 13: Morgan is not allowed to try and start No-Pants Friday**


	14. Rule 14

**AN: Thanks again so much for the feedback. This chapter is dedicated to the awesome **_**DMICEPRINCE**_** for this suggestion. Enjoy.**

"I wasn't that bad!" Reid insisted defensively as he and Morgan walked into the main BAU building.

"Kid you were faster when you were on crutches." Morgan retorted quickly leaving Reid fuming as they approached the elevators. He was sick and tired of Morgan always picking on him. He knew Morgan never meant any harm by it and they teased each other the way any pair of brothers would tease each other. But once, just once he would like to beat Morgan at something. Just once.

"You know what, Lets prove it. Let's prove who's the fastest runner." Reid said suddenly and Morgan smirked at him.

"Oh yeah? How do you want to do that?" Morgan asked but he could see the steely determined look in Reid's eyes. The kid was being serious. Ok then, if Reid wanted Morgan to hand his ass to him on a plate, so be it.

"A race up and around the bullpen. Up the stairs to the sixth floor, knock on Garcia's door, Strauss's door and Hotch's door before touching the coffeemaker in the kitchen. Whichever agent makes it there first is the winner." Reid decided and matched Morgan's smirk with one of his own. "Unless you think you can't do it."

Morgan considered the proposition for a moment. It was a good race and he knew he would win but something was missing. "What do you say we make it more interesting."

"Like the loser has to be the winner's slave for a day. I already thought of that." Reid answered and as he offered his hand for Morgan to shake, paused for a second. "And no cheating; unless you think you can't outrun me."

"Kid I know I can outrun you." Morgan said and shook his hand. They were so caught up in their conversation that they didn't notice a third team member who was stood behind them and listening to their conversation. Once they shook hands, the third team member turned and walked off.

They only shook hands for a second before Reid ripped his hand away and sprinted towards the stairwell. Morgan gave chase and easily overtook Reid as they scrambled up the stairs; dodging other agents, tripping on steps and trying to pull at the other or tackle them to gain or maintain the lead. By the time they reached the sixth floor, Reid was slowing down, beginning to feel a slight stitch as Morgan raced ahead laughing at him.

"Nice try kid!" Morgan shouted as he ran face-first into a door and fell to the floor. Morgan lay on the floor, swearing and slightly dazed as Reid overtook him before doubling back to offer Morgan a hand up. Just as Morgan took his hand and had pulled himself halfway up off the floor, Reid let go again, allowing Morgan to fall to the floor again and he ran off and rapped on Garcia's door before turning and running in the other direction towards Strauss' office. As he bypassed Morgan, Morgan shot his leg out causing Reid to trip and literally skid across the floor on his chest. Just as he began to pull himself up, Alex walked towards him, having emerged from Strauss' office clutching a file and looking annoyed. Alex stopped in her tracks and helped him to his feet.

"Careful Reid," Alex reminded as Reid ran off, Morgan in close pursuit. Both agents rapped on Strauss' door within seconds of each other and before she could say anything they turned and ran towards Hotch's office. This time they were both neck and neck, Reid still felt a stitch but Morgan was still winded from his fall and as they hared into the bullpen, they dodged desks and other agents; almost sending Alex to the floor as she walked down the steps from Hotch's office, this time with empty hands. Alex ducked out of their way just in time as the two men almost tripped over themselves clamber up the few steps and hammer on the door of Hotch's office before they turned and ran towards the kitchenette; smacking their hands on the coffeemaker at the same time.

"Ha I won!" Morgan cheered as Reid shook his head.

"No I won! I clearly got there first!" Reid insisted. He had won. He damn well knew he had won!

"Sorry Pretty Boy but I won!" Morgan argued.

"No I won!" Reid retorted loudly, just to fully ensure that everyone's attention was on them. Not that it wasn't already given that all of them could hear the two sprinting around the sixth floor, hammering on doors and yelling at one another.

"I won!"

"I won!"

"I WON!"

"NO I WON!"

"Actually, neither of you won."

Both Morgan and Reid dropped their 'mature, intellectual argument' to stare at Alex who had been watching them with an amused look on her face. Morgan and Reid looked at her confused and Alex lightly shrugged her shoulders.

"That was the race wasn't it? Up the stairs, knock on Garcia, Strauss and Hotch's doors then touch the coffeemaker to win. You should be more careful with your choice of words Reid. _'Whichever agent makes it there first is the winner' _ was what you said. I made it first therefore I win." Alex explained. It was simple linguistics, knowing how to use words for different meaning. It was her speciality after all. That and she had wanted to have a bit of fun herself.

Reid opened his mouth to argue and closed it again, unable to find a loophole in her argument. Damn, try and argue with a linguist.

Morgan however was still determined to try. "Yeah you won but me and Reid made the other part of the bet."

"Actually you never said it was a bet and it was that the loser, in this case losers, would be the winner's slave for a day. As I have already proven, I won our little race." Alex explained calmly and Reid shook his head at Morgan.

"Don't even." Reid muttered and Morgan sighed heavily, accepting defeat. He knew when he was truly beaten.

"Alright Blake you win. What are we going to have to do tomorrow?" Morgan asked, glancing at Reid. Whatever it was, surely it wasn't going to be too bad.

"You'll see." Alex replied simply as a surprisingly wicked smirk crossed her face before she walked back to her desk. The moment her back was turned, Morgan and Reid looked at each other and came to the same two conclusions.

The first was that there was clearly a secretly wicked side to Doctor Alex Blake.

The second was that they weren't going to race in the bullpen again.

**Rule 14: Agents aren't allowed to have running races in the FBI building.**


	15. Rule 15

**AN: Thanks again for your awesome feedback. This chapter is for **_**marcallie**_** who offered this suggestion. This one is more serious than the others but I swear the next two will be funny.**

"I reckon he knows that we do this." Hotch reasoned to Emily as they sat in his office one evening after everyone else had gone home. Emily shrugged her shoulders and drained the rest of what was in her glass.

"He doesn't exactly try and stop us, does he?" Emily countered as she refilled her glass. "Besides I needed this today."

"How bad is it?" Hotch asked carefully as Emily stared into her glass and sighed heavily.

"Pretty bad. I had another nightmare last night. This time it was Reid and just all day I've been… I don't know how to describe it. I know he's gone, I know he can't hurt me but…" Emily trailed off as she tried to find the words to explain how she felt.

"It feels like the second you let your guard down, he'll be there or something will happen." Hotch finished knowingly and Emily nodded. "It does get better. I know it's the oldest cliché in the book but things do get better."

"I know," Emily replied and sipped at her drink again, wanting to change the subject. It was alright talking about these things with Hotch but she wanted to take her mind off it, focus on something else. "I swear this is different to what he had last time."

"He's probably buying cheaper stuff to try and stop us stealing it." Hotch replied with a smile, not bothering to change the subject back. It would be pointless now and they were similar in that regards; when they didn't want to talk about something then they didn't and neither hell or high water would change their minds.

"Since when does Dave Rossi buy anything cheap?" Emily countered and Hotch raised his shoulders.

"Fair point. You would think he would at least change where he hid it." Hotch said. "Then again when was the last time we did this?"

"Um, the case in Miami with the rituals, just before all this kicked off." Emily replied, thinking back but found she couldn't recall why they had done it. The case wasn't something particularly difficult for either of them; it was probably just one of those nights.

"I remember now." Hotch replied. This had always been a thing between them that had started the night he had signed his divorce papers. When things got rough or one of them just wanted to talk then they would do this. One or the other would steal the bottle of expensive scotch that Dave kept 'hidden' in his office-by now they knew all his hiding places- and they would sit, have a few drinks and talk about what was wrong. Or just talk about anything in general to keep their minds off their troubles. They both knew that Dave knew that they stole his alcohol but he was yet to kill them for it, which was something.

"If he's spiked this then I'll kill him." Emily said suddenly and Hotch laughed as he finished his own drink and refilled the glass.

"I'll help," Hotch said as there was a sudden knock on his door. Quick as a flash they hid the bottle and tumblers behind their backs as JJ came into the room. "What are you still doing here?"

"I forget my phone charger, you?" JJ asked them as they pulled the bottle and tumblers out from behind their backs.

"What some?" Emily said, offering JJ the bottle. JJ shrugged her shoulders and took a quick, small swig of the scotch.

"Dave's?" JJ asked as she handed the bottle back to them.

"Who else?" Hotch reasoned.

"He's going to kill you." JJ said calmly.

"No he won't, he never does." Emily said, dismissing the possible threat easily. "Besides we'll just buy him some more."

"Really?" JJ asked and the other two laughed and shook their heads.

"No!" Hotch and Emily said simultaneously. They couldn't buy Dave replacement scotch if they wanted to. Dave was picky about his alcohol and this particular brand was way out of their normal price range. Besides that also helped make their routine that bit better; not only was it good alcohol they were drinking but it was good alcohol they didn't have to pay for. It just made the taste seem that little bit better. The bottle had only been half full anyway and now there was a small amount left near the bottom, so it wasn't like they drank _all_ of it. There was nothing wrong with that.

However Dave didn't see it that way when he opened his cabinet the next morning to find an almost-empty bottle of expensive 25 year old scotch with an IOU attached. And he made sure the (slightly)hungover Hotch and Emily knew it.

**Rule 15: Agents aren't allowed to steal the bottle of scotch hidden in Rossi's office.**


	16. Rule 16

**AN: So I'm back trying to do funny again after a brief serious moment. Time for that old fanfiction cliché that we all know and love.**

"Come on Pretty Boy, we're all playing." Morgan wheedled to Reid who remained sat at his desk, refusing point blank to join the others.

"Do I have to?" Reid asked, receiving a chorus of 'Yes's in response. Their team really shouldn't be allowed to get bored. Bad things tended to happen when there was no work to do and plenty of time to waste. This was a prime example of one of them.

"Reid it's only a bit of fun." Garcia insisted but Reid looked at her sceptically. In his experiences, playing Truth or Dare was never fun at all. Rather it was an awkward and embarrassing experience to endure. On the other hand the four of them had spent the past fifteen minutes trying to get him to play the stupid game with him. Maybe if he did they would shut up and give him some peace and quiet at some point.

"Alright but nothing too bad." Reid said as he rolled his chair over to their makeshift circle.

"I make no promises." Garcia replied. "Ok so we all know the rules. Tell the truth or do the dare entirely. Failure to do either and you have to do a forfeit."

"What's our forfeit?" JJ asked and they thought for a moment.

"It can be whatever the person who asked or dared you decides." Emily suggested and looked around. "So who's starting?"

"I will," Garcia decided. "JJ, truth or dare?"

"I don't even want to think about what your dares are like so I'll go with Truth." JJ replied and Garcia thought for a moment.

"Ok, how old were you when you first kissed someone?" Garcia asked and JJ smiled as she remembered her first kiss.

"I was twelve and it was with Danny Smith, a boy in my class." JJ answered before turning to Morgan. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Morgan replied confidently. Whatever it was, JJ wouldn't be too hard on him. Not sweet, innocent JJ…

"I dare you to let Garcia put makeup on you and wear it for the rest of the day." JJ challenged and the grin slid off Morgan's face. Ok that was pretty bad. He loved his Baby Girl but bright in-your-face colours were not his thing. Then again if this was a dare from JJ, he didn't want to consider what her forfeit would be.

"Do it." Morgan said with false bravado. Garcia got up and excitedly hurried off to fetch her makeup bag. A few minutes later and Morgan was wearing bright green eye shadow, mascara, blush and purple lipstick and before he could stop them, both Reid and Emily had taken a photo on their phones.

"Think this is funny Emily? Truth or dare?" Morgan said and Emily smirked back at him.

"Dare. Bring it on." Emily replied and Morgan thought for a moment, seeking inspiration. It had to be something good, something really good. Morgan got to his feet, and took the cup of now-cold coffee off his desk and returned to the others.

"Ok I dare you to take your bra off." Morgan challenged Emily.

"I only strip when I'm drunk." Emily replied and Morgan smirked at her.

"You could always do a forfeit and I've a good one planned for you." Morgan challenged.

"Alright, give me a second." Emily said as she reached behind her back and undid the hooks on her bra underneath her shirt. A few seconds later and without removing her shirt at all, Emily held her bra in her hands for them all to see.

"Hey, that's cheating." Morgan argued.

"You didn't say anything about removing my shirt. Or how long I had to keep it off for so excuse me." Emily replied before going to the bathroom and putting her bra back on again before returning to her chair and turning to Reid who looked almost petrified.

"Ok Reid, your turn. Truth or dare?" Emily asked.

"Truth," Reid asked, believing it to be the lesser of the two evils.

"Interesting choice Doctor. Hmm, how old were you when you had your first kiss?" Emily asked and Reid blushed.

"I was sixteen." Reid answered, expecting some form of teasing or abuse for that. That maybe sixteen was too old for a first kiss or that they were surprised he even had kissed someone before at all. Surprisingly none of that came.

"Fair enough," Emily replied, noting his embarrassment and deciding to not push further. "Pick someone."

"Well Garcia hasn't gone yet so truth or dare?" Reid asked and Garcia smiled at him.

"Truth," Garcia replied and Reid thought for a moment before coming up with the only question that came to mind.

"If you could only wear one colour for the rest of your life, what would it be?" Reid asked; he wasn't that good at thinking up questions or suitable dares but it was better than nothing.

"Um, I actually don't know to be honest." Garcia replied thoughtfully. Her world was colour, she could never give up any of them for anything. "Anyway my turn, JJ truth or dare?"

"Truth again," JJ decided and Garcia thought for a moment.

"Ok why did you never tell us about Will. I mean we all knew from the start, but why keep it secret?" Garcia asked and JJ shrugged her shoulders.

"I just liked the idea of having something only I knew about. I wasn't ashamed; I just liked having my own privacy." JJ explained; thinking back it could have been handled better but it was like her worst kept secret too. "Anyway Morgan, truth or dare?"

"After you did this to me? Truth." Morgan replied, gesturing to his face. JJ looked disappointed but quickly rallied with a clever question that came to mind.

"Ok, imagine the bullpen's on fire. The four of us have been knocked out or are trapped in some way. You're the only one of us who isn't hurt and can get out safely but you only have enough time to save one of us before we all die. My question is, who are you going to save?" JJ challenged and they all stared at Morgan.

"Ok that's a tough one. I would save Emily but you'd kill me for leaving the others to die. Reid should have been smart enough to notice and escape the fire before it got too hot. JJ I would save you but you made me look like this so out of spite I'll leave you behind. So obviously I'd save my Baby Girl." Morgan decided.

"That's cold." Garcia said as she kissed him on the cheek. "But you'd always save me."

"Anyway my turn, Pretty Boy, truth or dare?" Morgan challenged Reid who suddenly felt a sense of determination.

"Dare." Reid replied confidently, regretting it the moment Morgan smirked at him.

"I dare you to go tell Strauss about your undying love for her." Morgan challenged and Reid immediately shook his head.

"No way! I'm not doing that!" Reid insisted.

"Forfeit!" Garcia said excitedly before chanting the word over and over again as Emily and JJ joined in.

"What's my forfeit?" Reid asked worriedly and Morgan thought for a moment before Emily whispered something in his ear.

"You have to chicken dance around the bullpen." Morgan decided and Reid weighed up his options. Both were causes for total humiliation but at last if he danced then there was less likelihood that he would die horribly.

"Ok I'll take the forfeit." Reid decided to loud cheers. Emily used her tablet to bring up the song on YouTube and once it started, Reid began to unwillingly perform the dance around the bullpen, moving his arms like wings and clapping his hands in time to the beat. The women were all in hysterics at the sight and Morgan was recording the whole thing on his phone for future blackmail purposes.

"What are you guys doing?" Hotch asked as he and Dave came into the bullpen after yet another meeting/shouting match with Strauss. Reid immediately stopped dancing and Morgan remembered that his face was caked in makeup.

"Playing truth or dare," Morgan offered as the women looked at Hotch and Dave innocently.

"We had no part in this." Emily said quickly as Hotch and Rossi gave her a sceptical look.

"Now why don't we believe that?" Dave asked with a knowing smile. None of them would allow Reid and Morgan to have all the fun after all. That wasn't their style.

"Morgan go get cleaned up." Hotch ordered but JJ shook her head.

"He can't, he has to keep it on all day." JJ replied and Hotch looked at Dave who shrugged his shoulders. Let them have their fun; they had all been under a lot of stress recently and it was good to let loose once in a while.

"Just don't do it again." Hotch advised as he went into his office.

The next day, the game of truth or dare was mostly forgotten. Morgan cleaned his face, JJ kept her secrets, Garcia kept her colour, Emily kept her clothes on, Reid remained still and silent at his desk. It was almost like the day before had never happened. That was until they all got sent a link to a YouTube video of Reid performing the chicken dance that had somehow already got nearly 10,000 hits overnight.

Then again how could a video captioned 'FBI Agent Performs Chicken Dance' not go viral?

**Rule 16: Agents aren't allowed to play 'Truth or Dare'**


	17. Rule 17

**AN: Thanks again for all the feedback and support. This is one admittedly I have been wanting to write for a while. I hope you enjoy it.**

"I'm about to commit murder, talk me out of it."

Well that was one way to get his attention, Hotch reasoned as he looked up from his work to see an angry looking Emily stood in the doorway. He didn't need to be a genius to figure out why Emily was having homicidal tendencies, he was feeling them a bit too. Actually all of them were right about now. No prizes for guessing why either.

"They hate feds in prison." Hotch replied as Emily stepped into the office and shut the door behind her.

"I don't even care. By the end of today one of us is going to be dead and it won't be me." Emily insisted as she leant against the door and sighed heavily.

"What's she done now?" Hotch asked Emily who shook her head.

"What hasn't she done is the better question. God I mean, I understand if she hates me because of the whole Milwaukee thing but she has no reason to hate or be awful to all of us. She's not subtle about it." Emily said, moving away from the door as someone knocked on it. A few seconds later Morgan and Reid came in, both of them also looking furious. Whilst Morgan's rage was more evident, Reid's anger was quieter, less obvious but it was still apparent to all of them that he was just as angry as they were.

"What's she done now?" Hotch asked and Morgan clenched his fist and looked to Reid to explain. He was still too angry.

"She threatened us with probation over what happened on the last case. There was no justifiable need for any of us to be in trouble but she's determined. We haven't done anything wrong." Reid explained and looked at the others. "Why does she hate us so much?"

"Maybe someone dropped a house on her sister." Emily quipped and they managed a small smile at that idea. These days Strauss was practically the Wicked Witch of West Quantico, she just needed the green skin and flying monkeys.

"I'll try and talk to her later, just try and ignore her." Hotch said and the trio left his office, still annoyed but aware that there was little much else they could do. Strauss was furious at them, they were furious at her but they didn't have the power to do anything about her the way she did about them. It sucked. She was like that one really mean teacher in high school who you were powerless against.

"How the hell are we supposed to ignore her when she's being so horrible?" Morgan asked as they sat back at their desks, not wanting to do any work but also aware that the less work they did, the more there was fuel for Strauss' anger and hatred towards them.

"I don't know," Reid replied heavily and Emily managed a small smile.

"That was rare, say that again." Emily said jokingly as Reid pulled a face at her before turning back to the matter at hand. How were they supposed to get back at the witch for being so horrible to them for no good reason? Stupid Strauss, being so mean to them for no reason; treating the four of them like crap just because she could. Maybe it was a bad idea to watch 'The Wizard of Oz' with Garcia last night. She was now full of the idea and logistics behind dropping a house on her. Or even better…

"I'm a freaking genius." Emily said suddenly, grabbing Morgan and Reid's attention. "I know how we can get payback and who knows maybe even finish her once and for all."

"I'm listening." Morgan said and Reid slid his chair over to listen in.

"Well think about it. We've all said how she's like the Wicked Witch of the West and how does she end up?" Emily said, looking at Morgan and Reid who now had wicked grins on their faces as they realised what she was planning.

"We couldn't. Could we?" Reid asked and Morgan grinned at the prospect.

"She would kill us but just so we can say we did it, I think we should." Morgan reasoned and Emily clapped him on the back.

"I knew I liked you. We have to do this. I'll take the full blame so you guys don't get in trouble." Emily offered kindly.

"More like take all the credit." Reid said and lightly shrugged his shoulders. "I went to MIT after all, we never turn down the chance to prank."

"Excellent, if I'm right and I always am, she's going on her lunch in about ten minutes so it will be a standard planting mission. We get in. we get out. Nobody gets out." Emily plotted and Morgan grinned wickedly.

"No but someone's sure as hell going to get soaked." Morgan laughed and high-fived Emily as Hotch walked over to them.

"Whatever you're planning I want in." Hotch said quietly, smiling at their stunned looks. Hotch? Wanting to join in on a prank? The world had gone mad.

"I knew you had a sense of humour somewhere." Emily retorted and they quickly went over the basics of their plan.

Ten minutes later the four of them went down the hall; Morgan and Hotch went ahead to Strauss's office whilst Reid and Emily quickly filled half of a metal bucket with water. Carrying it between them, the two hurried as quickly as they could to Strauss' office without spilling any of the water and passed the bucket to Morgan and Hotch who carefully lifted and positioned it so that the bucket balanced enough on the doorway to stay upright until the door was pushed open. Once the bucket was secured, the four of them hurried back to the bullpen and waited.

They didn't have long to wait, twenty minutes later a loud splash and the clatter of a metal bucket hitting the floor followed by an angry shriek like a banshee was heard by almost everyone in the building. In the bullpen, the four hurried away from where they had been patiently listening at the glass doors and got into position. By the time a drenched, furious Strauss stormed into the bullpen to both real and faked looks of surprise; Morgan and Hotch were standing on the steps apparently in deep discussion about a case file, Reid was engrossed in a book and Emily was making herself coffee and all four of them were suppressing every instinct and urge to laugh at the sight of her; her hair hanging like rats tails, her expensive suit soaked and her face scarlet with fury as she glared at each and every one of them before storming off to get dried off.

The moment she was out of earshot, the entire bullpen broke into rapturous applause and cheers for the four agents who grinned at one another before jokingly taking a bow. Whilst it obviously hadn't gotten the full results they wanted, mainly because it was physically impossible; the reaction was close enough to make them feel better.

Until Strauss tore them a new one the next day then they did genuinely sit and discuss the logistics of how one would build and drop a house onto a person.

**Rule 17: Strauss is not the Wicked Witch of the West and won't melt if a bucket of water is dropped on her.**


	18. Rule 18

**AN: Thanks again so much for all your reviews and support. This chapter is for **_**Casie01**_** for being the 200****th**** reviewer, this is more than I ever expected and thank you all so much. **

Unusual sights weren't commonplace in the BAU, well they weren't, until the A Team started acting a little weirdly but for the most part things were relatively normal. Well as normal as the things you see when your career involves hunting down serial killers can be. However it was fair to say that today was about a 6 or 7 on the Unusual Things Scale.

That was because while everyone else was working away, Agents Morgan, Prentiss and Reid were doing absolutely nothing at all. Well not nothing but instead of working through the massive piles of case files on their desk, they were using them to make a giant card castle on the floor. It was actually coming along quite well due to the number of files and the fact they had a mathematical and engineering genius working as their architect which meant the base of the card castle were several heavy books to support the weight.

"Aren't you supposed to be writing those files instead of playing with them?" JJ asked as she watched them slowly build it higher and higher off the floor.

"Not our division." Emily replied without looking at her a she placed two more files together and Morgan set a third on top of it. However just as Reid was about to place two more files, he overstretched himself and sent the castle crashing to the floor scattering paper and file covers everywhere.

"Dammit," Morgan cursed as they began picking up and sorting out the paper into the proper files again.

"Maybe we should have used elastic bands to keep them shut," Reid mused and Emily shrugged her shoulders.

"There's always next time," Emily reasoned and JJ rolled her eyes at her friends. They were crazy as hell sometimes but god did she love them for it.

**Rule 18: Report files aren't to be used to build giant card castles**


	19. Rule 19

**AN: OK guys this will be my last update for a while because my laptop isn't working properly so I'm sending it off to get fixed. I will be able to answer reviews and private messages on my tablet but updates won't be happening until I get it back. Sorry guys. This chapter is for **_**TazzieLuv13**_**, happy birthday, I hope you like it. **

It was difficult to say who started it. It had been a relatively quiet Wednesday morning; there were no active cases, agents were writing up paperwork, getting coffee, chatting when someone suddenly slapped their desk twice and clapped their hands. It happened a second time. Then a third time.

Then another agent joined in. Then a third. Then a fourth. Before long every agent in the bullpen was slapping the desk twice before clapping their hands and creating that unique familiar beat that all of them knew by heart. Once they had a steady beat going and kept in time with one another, building up the rhythm and of course, noise level. Then once they had their timing just right…

"Buddy you're a boy make a big noise, playin' in the street gonna be a big man someday." Morgan began, still beating in time with the others.

"You got mud on yo' face, you big disgrace, kickin' your can all over the place singing," Reid continued.

"We will, we will rock you," everyone joined in, beating the desk. "We will, we will rock you."

"Buddy you're a young man, hard man. Shoutin' in the street, gonna take on the world someday," Emily joined in.

"You got blood on yo' face, you big disgrace. Waving your banner all over the place!" JJ finished. She had been in the bullpen getting coffee when it started and was stood slapping the kitchenette counter. As everyone sang the chorus again and kept hitting the heat off desks, counters, some just stamped on the floor; they didn't realise just how far sound travelled in the bullpen and managed to gather quite an audience stood in the doorways watching and listening to them play.

When it came to an end, all of them were surprised to see the crowd who had gathered and who were laughing and applauding them for their unexpected rendition of the Queen classic. None of the senior agents even Strauss, could be angry at them; they were too impressed. But something did tell the agents that it was better if this was a once-off.

Bohemian Rhapsody however, that was fair game. But also another story for another day.

**Rule 19: Agents aren't to play 'We Will Rock You' on the desks**


	20. Rule 20

**AN: So guess who finally got her laptop back? ME! thanks so much for your support and patience I hope you enjoy this. I had to add this to the list because I'm sure all of you have heard of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that has gone viral with people. If you haven't, basically when you get nominated, you have 24 or 48 hours (depending on the nomination) to throw a bucket of ice water over your head then you nominate more people (number is up to you) to do the same. So here is the BAU version. Enjoy.**

They had been almost finished a case in Dallas yesterday when Garcia called them and told the team to check their Facebook profiles. When JJ logged onto her page, they found a video on her news feed that Emily had uploaded and noticed that one of them had been tagged in the video. The case was temporarily forgotten as JJ clicked on the video of their friend and it started to play. From what they could see Emily was standing in a car park and grinning bravely for the camera.

"Thank you to Ryan and Sophie for the nomination for this Ice Bucket challenge to raise awareness for ALS. Also I think since all the people I work for wanted to nominate the boss, I am going to do the same. I am nominating my two former bosses who I know are busy so I'll give them both 48 hours to do this. Clyde Easter and Aaron Hotchner I know you're watching this so get ready because you're next." Emily announced to whoever was recording it and gave them the thumbs up.

The next second she screamed as she was completely drenched with two buckets' worth of icy cold water. As she shivered and wiped her face dry, the video ended and the team grinned at Hotch. They had all seen the nomination videos on the internet, celebrities had also joined in and almost everyone they knew was nominating each other. it was only a matter of time before one of them got nominated. There was no way he couldn't _not_ do the challenge. It was for charity and especially because it was for ALS. They all knew what had happened to Carolyn. Besides if he did do the challenge, he got to nominate people and he already knew who exactly he would nominate.

"The case isn't over yet." Hotch said. That was all he said but they knew what that meant. Once it was, then he would do the challenge but as always, work came first.

So that was why, just over 24 hours later after breaking the case and catching their unsub, the team were standing outside the FBI Quantico building with Garcia as Morgan and Dave filled two of the janitor's buckets with freezing cold water. Hotch stripped off his jacket as the two proudly carried the buckets towards the group. Let them laugh, Hotch reasoned, they wouldn't be laughing long anyway. Once they were stood behind him with the buckets at the ready, Hotch nodded to Garcia who started to record it.

"Thank you Emily Prentiss for this nomination. I'll get you back for this. I nominate these two standing behind me, Derek Morgan and Dave Rossi as well as Spencer Reid and Will LaMontagne. I'll give you all 48 hours to do this, work or not. Ok go." Hotch said as Morgan and Dave took their cue and happily upended the buckets of cold water over Hotch's head. Hotch tried his best to jerk-react to the water but it was absolutely freezing! He could hear the women laughing and cheering as well as Morgan and Dave swapping high-fives as Hotch wiped the excess water off his face and ran his hands through his hair, shaking more water out. It was good for a wake up but he wasn't going to take any more ice baths soon.

Once they were inside and Hotch had dried himself off and changed his clothes, they replayed the video back and Hotch uploaded his, being sure to tag the four men in it. Reid looked at the video worriedly and seemed ready to question whether or not he really had to do it but even he knew there was no point backing out. It was all for a good cause but he wasn't sure who to nominate. After all, what could go wrong with a bucket of water?

It didn't take long for the challenge to spread throughout the FBI building. Nominations between different teams and divisions within the bureau ran wild which meant that for the next several weeks there were at least two or three bucket challenges daily. All for a good cause or not, there was obvious disruption to be had when the workday had to stop because it was someone's turn to have a bucket (or several) of water fired over their head. Therefore it wasn't long for a new rule to be sanctioned by the FBI as a whole and it was one that was for the most part followed.

**Rule 20: Unless for a good cause, all nomination challenges are banned.**


	21. Rule 21

**AN: Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad you enjoyed it.**

"Well that could have went better."

"So how do we talk ourselves out of this one?"

"Can we talk ourselves out of this one would be the better question."

"… Well I've got nothing."

"There's a first."

"Kids, not now."

"This sucks. We are so screwed."

"Wait I think I have an idea…"

Chief Strauss looked at the six agents who were stood sheepishly before her. Their last case hadn't ended too well and they had to answer to her. Still she was trying to be fairer with them, she understood how they worked and this family unit they had formed. At the same time however, professionalism always had to be their top priority when working on a case. There was no excuse for what happened but she supposed she ought to hear what the team had to say for themselves.

"Well," Strauss prompted and she had to hide her amusement at the fact that these six, who hunted down serial killer son a daily basis could so easily look like a group of kids who'd been sent to the principal's office. Dave gave the others a look that plainly said _'Get ready to run'_ before turning back to Strauss and offering her a wry smile.

"Well you know what they say Erin, what happens on the case, stays on the case." Dave offered as the rest of the team used the time it took for Strauss to react and start yelling at Dave to get as far away from her office as they could as quickly as they could.

**Rule 21: 'What happens on the case, stays on the case'**__**is not a valid excuse.**


	22. Rule 22

**AN: Another drabble length story. I want to improve my skills at writing drabble length stories and I hope you enjoy this.**

"Are you sure this is safe?" JJ asked Reid carefully. There was a reason why Physics Magic was banned from the bullpen after all. Reid's love of science, magic and experiments combining the two was practically the stuff of FBI Legend.

"Of course it is," Reid dismissed as he combined the two chemicals together into the bottle. Normal bottle rockets were fine and good but he was going to make the best and most powerful bottle rocket in the world.

"Reid," JJ said warningly, she knew this was not going to end well but Reid shook his head.

"JJ trust me, I'm a doctor." Reid said as he ignited the contents of the bottle which let out a loud bang and shot across the room, hitting Morgan with a heavy smack in the middle of his forehead. The bottle hit Morgan which such force that he stumbled back a few steps and glared at Reid who now looked terrified.

"Looks like you're going to need a doctor." JJ stated in a dead-pan tone before looking at Reid who was still unable to move. "Reid, run!"

Like a startled deer, Reid scrambled to his feet and ran across the bullpen and through the glass doors, Morgan in hot pursuit of him. JJ walked to the doors in time to hear Reid yelp with pain as Morgan tackled him to the ground and shook her head. Some people just never learned.

**Rule 22: Reid is not allowed to use the phrase 'Trust me, I'm a doctor'.**


	23. Rule 23

**AN: played up on me yesterday but hopefully we won't have the same problems today. Hope you enjoy this one.**

"That's not true," Ashley Seaver said with certainty as she listened to Morgan recount a story which apparently ended with their UnSub dying of a fear induced heart attack.

"I swear on my life that happened." Morgan insisted as Reid and Emily joined the two of them armed with files and mugs of coffee.

"What happened?" Reid asked curiously as he took a sip of his sweetened coffee.

"The Richmond case, remember when Hotch was in the interrogation room with that child killer?" Morgan said with a look at his two colleagues who immediately picked up on what he was doing.

"When the UnSub died? How could I forget?" Emily joined in and Reid nodded in agreement. "He didn't say anything or do anything."

"What do you mean? How was it a fear-induced heart attack if Hotch didn't do anything?" Ashley quizzed; see this didn't make sense. Their story was totally made up. Probably just pranking the newbie.

"I wasn't finished," Emily said carefully. "He didn't do anything. He just glared."

"Glared?" Ashley repeated. "This is a joke right?"

The three agents looked at each other and looked at her. Clearly Ashley had never been on the receiving end of even one of Hotch's _milder_ glares. That was enough to inspire trauma, panic attacks and nightmares in even the strongest of men and women. She was almost innocent in a way.

"Oh my sweet summer child," Emily said sympathetically. "There is a reason why Hotch is leader of our team, why cases involving children and families always anger him so much and he pushes us to close those cases faster. Besides haven't you ever seen him in a bad mood?"

"No," Ashley replied truthfully. Even when they were investigating her father, Hotch and Rossi had always been nice to her. She could only imagine what he would have been like when they had her father in an interrogation room.

"Then you're lucky. Hotch can be stern and scary enough normally but when he's mad, then all the bets are off. We've ranked them on a three point scale. Level One is standard. Level Two is when he has to deal with bureaucrats or Unsubs. Level Three is for child killers or abusers and any of the worst UnSubs we faced." Reid explained as Ashley looked at them still in disbelief.

"I still don't believe you." Ashley said and Morgan turned and called across the bullpen to where Anderson and Gina were working.

"Hey you two back us up on this, Hotch's death glare ever kill someone?" Morgan asked and the two agents looked at them and nodded.

"I still get nightmares of what he was like when Agent Greenway was shot." Anderson said seriously to a stunned looking Ashley.

"This isn't a joke." Ashley said and they nodded in confirmation.

"Just some advice to keep you on the straight and narrow. Only the strongest make the BAU and the real reason why is Hotch." Morgan explained.

"Yeah if you can handle him in a bad mood then it's agreed that you can handle anything." Reid agreed and put a hand on her shoulder. "You're strong, you'll cope."

"Hopefully," Ashley said with a smile and they all laughed. However Emily stopped laughing and looked at the others, an almost scared look on her face.

"Guys, we've got a High Level One." Emily said, without turning around to actually look into Hotch's office. She didn't need to. She could feel him glaring at them. "Don't react, we'll just go back to work."

Without saying another word, the four agents returned to their work. Whilst some of their claims may have been exaggerated in the name of fun, other parts were true. They did have a rating scale for Hotch's glares and rumour had it that Strauss' 'week off' after a meeting with Hotch reportedly ended with her on the receiving end of a Level Two glare. However the idea that it caused any fatalities was made up.

For the moment anyway.

**Rule 23: New agents aren't to be told that Hotch's 'Death Glare' actually killed someone.**


	24. Rule 24

**AN: Another drabble length story and I wanted to attempt a full dialogue chapter. Back to prose in the next one I promise.**

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

"I'm 100% positive. I think."

"You think? You might get us killed."

"I doubt this will be fatal. Besides what's-"

"I swear to God you better not finish that sentence."

"What sentence? You mean what's the worst that can happen?"

…

"MORGAN! REID!"

"You just had to say that didn't you?"

"Run?"

"RUN!"

**Rule 24: The phrase 'What's the worst that can happen' is banned.**


	25. Rule 25

**AN: Thanks for all your reviews and feedback**

It was commonly accepted as an unspoken rule that the BAU teams should never be allowed to be bored. Boredom seemed to have an unusual effect on the agents; it inspired immaturity, unprofessionalism and oftentimes some form of wanton destruction.

Or things catching fire.

Well OK, that only happened once.

Suffice to say that when they found themselves with no serial killers to catch or paperwork to write up or firearms testing to train for; something was usually found somewhere to keep the agents occupied. However when nothing was found and they were left to their own devices, that was when the trouble started.

Today was no different. Whilst Truth or Dare had already been banned; there was still nothing to prevent dare competitions. Yet. Today's challenge mostly came in the form of the words Emily muttered to Morgan as the team lounged around in the bullpen with nothing to do and nothing to amuse themselves with.

"I dare you to…"

Half an hour later when the team actually managed to scrounge up some work from somewhere that was more than just doodling on scrap paper, reading or getting more than their daily allowance of coffee; Morgan suddenly ran into the bullpen. He had Garcia's purple scarf wrapped around his head and was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"_**TROLL! IN THE DUNGEON! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!"**_

The entire bullpen came to a standstill and stared at Morgan who looked back at them and swayed on the spot.

"Thought you ought to know." Morgan said before he fell to the ground in a faux-faint to the sound of laughter and loud applause as well as a telling off for causing a disruption in the workplace and adding a new rule to the list.

**Rule 25: Agents aren't allowed to claim there are trolls in the dungeon.**


	26. Rule 26

**AN: Thanks again for all your feedback, I found this on YouTube, I loved it and knew I had to write about the team attempting this. Also a special shout out to **_**long-live-HP-PJ-HG**_** for being the 300****th**** reviewer!**

"What are you watching?" Alex asked curiously as Morgan, Reid and Garcia were huddled around Morgan's tablet which was playing a YouTube video. It seemed to be a new version of the Diet Coke and Mentos trick but for some reason involved Nutella, duct tape and a condom. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what exactly was going on but her curiosity got the better of her and she watched as the condom expanded rapidly due to the reaction of the Mentos and coke before it exploded and the man performing the experiment began cheering loudly in Italian.

"That was awesome." Morgan said, wiping his eyes and grinning at Garcia and Reid. They all knew what that grin meant and Alex shook her head fondly at them.

"You're going to try this." Alex said, it wasn't a question and Reid began explaining how the reaction between the two was actually a physical reaction known as nucleation instead of the commonly perceived chemical reaction. The condom clearly helped to withhold the liquid reaction as well as the gases until the pressure grew too high.

"It's technically physics magic isn't it Reid." Garcia said, remembering all of Reid's infamous tricks, the key one being his canister rockets which had a tendency to almost always whack someone on the head.

"I guess it is," Reid replied with a grin as Morgan disappeared from the bullpen. Alex wasn't a betting woman but if she was she would wager Morgan had gone to the nearest convenience and drug stores. Sure enough Morgan returned about fifteen minutes later armed with a large bottle of diet coke, three packets of Mentos, a packet of durex, a jar of Nutella and a roll of tape.

Reid cleared the files off his desk and they began setting the experiment up, covering the top of the bottle with Nutella and putting half of the packet of Mentos into condom which was stretched out and attached to the top of the bottle with the duct tape. Once it was set up, Morgan and Reid began allowing the Mentos to drop into the coke and the reaction was almost instantaneous. The diet coke began to fizz and react but instead of the foam exploding out of the bottle, like in the video it surged into the condom, causing the latex to swell rapidly as the contents of the bottle began to fill it and the gas created by the reaction rushed through it.

By now everyone was watching the bottle eagerly, waiting on the inevitable which was due to come in 3… 2…

"Get down!" Alex said, grabbing Garcia and the pair ducked under her desk as the condom exploded, spraying Morgan and Reid with fizzy, foamy coke as well as soaking Reid's, Alex's and several other desks and agents who got too close. From their cowered position under Alex's desk, the two women avoided being soaked and as they emerged, the bullpen fell into laughter at the stunned pair, including JJ, Hotch and Dave whose discussion of their latest case was interrupted by their curiosity as the three stood on the walkway, laughing at the soaked pair.

"Reid what have you told a million times already?" Hotch called down when they managed to stop themselves laughing. Too much.

"No physics magic," Reid replied in a monotone voice. "But it wasn't really magic,"

"Reid." Hotch said in his usual no-nonsense tone and Reid wisely kept his mouth shut as he and Morgan were handed some paper towels and quietly began to clean up the mess.

**Rule 26: Physics Magic in any form is banned.**


	27. Rule 27

**AN: Thanks again for all your reviews and support guys, seriously I am so happy you're all enjoying this and loving my strange sense of humour. **

JJ sighed as she tried to roll over on the sofa to find a more comfortable way to lie down and try and sleep. However her baby boy was having none of that and decided that after a long, tiring case which meant that because Mommy needed sleep, now was a prime time for playing soccer in her stomach. Her and Will hadn't decided on a name yet but when they knew it was a boy it helped narrow down their choices. Currently it was between Ryan, Henry and Michael but they weren't sure. They would decide when the time came. Right now, she was not in a good mood and since she couldn't sleep, needed something to occupy herself with.

Everyone else on the jet was fast asleep, exhaustion had won out over adrenaline and had all fallen asleep not long after the jet had taken off. Hotch and Rossi were sat on either side of the table, Morgan was in a corner with his headphones on, Reid had curled up in his seat, a book still on his lap and Emily was down at the back of the jet, head lolling against the window as she slept. JJ shot her best friend an envious look. A real best friend would stay up with her when she couldn't sleep.

No wait that was mean. Stupid hormones. She couldn't blame Emily for needing to sleep. She had been the one who had chased down the UnSub, JJ was of course not allowed in the field. She had stayed at the precinct but now she was tired and cranky and couldn't sleep even though she needed to sleep so badly. Sleep sounded so good, so heavenly right about now. But try telling that to a certain unborn someone who now seemed to be riverdancing with her kidneys.

JJ shot another envious glance at her teammates before picking up her bag. Maybe she had a book or something she could distract herself with until she fell asleep. As she fished through her go bag and purse, her hand grabbed a red marker pen and a wicked idea crept into her head as she looked from the pen in her hand to her teammates.

She couldn't, could she? It wasn't nice or fair to do that.

Then again it wasn't fair that they could sleep and she couldn't.

With that thought in mind, JJ got off the sofa and approached Reid first, she knew he could be a light sleeper so JJ was quick and carefully drew a curly moustache on his face, muffling her laughter in her sleeve as Reid squirmed and rolled over without waking. In the name of immaturity she also managed to doodle a lightning bolt scar on his forehead before Reid curled up into a tighter ball and she left him be.

JJ looked at Morgan and in the name of childishness drew an erect penis on his face and put M+G in a heart on his other cheek before he suddenly stirred and JJ quickly moved back. Deciding not to risk it further and still trying to stifle a laugh, JJ looked around the jet and jumped when she noticed both Hotch and Rossi were awake and both of them were giving her a look that clearly said _'Don't even think about it'_. JJ smiled at them before turning to her final target, Emily.

One thing she quickly learnt about her best friend when she spent either girly nights in or sharing a hotel room was that Emily slept like the dead. Once she was asleep, she was out cold until her loudest alarm began blaring or someone physically shook her awake. That meant JJ was able to get away with spending about a quarter of an hour doodling anything and everything from smiley faces to swear words and _'JJ WAS HERE'_ on her arms and face.

When she was content and had lost interest in the task, JJ put the marker away and lay down on the sofa again. The baby had finally stopped kicking and settled for the night and JJ rolled over onto her side and slept peacefully for the rest of the trip home.

"What the hell JJ?!"

It was Emily's angry yell that woke JJ up as well as the others. Emily had been shaken awake when the jet landed and it took her 0.5 seconds after glancing at her arms to realise what JJ had done whilst she was asleep. JJ pushed herself up and offered Emily an innocent smile as Morgan and Reid laughed at Emily before realising they had been victims of JJ's doodling too. Behind them, Hotch and Rossi were expertly hiding their amusement and JJ simply shrugged her shoulders, keeping the innocent butter-wouldn't-melt smile on her face.

"I couldn't sleep." JJ replied simply.

**Rule 27: Agents aren't allowed to draw on one another when they're sleeping**


	28. Rule 28

**AN: Thanks again for your reviews and feedback. Another fairly short one but I hope you enjoy it.**

Hotch and Emily loitered in the hallway outside Strauss' office. Once again she had seen the need to try and bawl them out over something that had happened on a case for no reason. They did their jobs properly yet somehow that wasn't enough for her. She was probably still bitter about the whole Milwaukee thing. That was a good three months ago it was time to get over it.

"I feel like I've been sent to the Principal's office." Hotch commented and Emily laughed. "What?"

"I highly doubt you were ever sent to the principal's office." Emily retorted and Hotch shrugged his shoulders.

"Apparently even when you're stopping them from bullying someone else, you're still not allowed to punch out a bully." Hotch explained and Emily nodded understandingly. Now that sounded like Hotch, getting in trouble for doing what was right. Unlike her teenage years when she got in trouble for the sake of getting in trouble.

"So do you think we're getting expelled today?" Emily joked and Hotch managed a smile and shook his head.

"More likely we'll get Detention and a 'If I hear about you doing this again, you'll be in even more trouble'." Hotch said and the smile on her face disappeared as Emily considered why they had been summoned to see Strauss.

"Did she even give a reason why she wanted to see us? We've actually been playing things by the book and toeing the line." Emily stated and Hotch frowned as he mulled over what had happened. They had just come back from a case in Boise and almost the moment they had stepped out of the elevator Strauss had demanded to see both of them and her expression told them it was pointless arguing and that yes she was pissed off and was pissed off at both of them.

"No actually, she didn't." Hotch said after a moment's thought and Emily cast her eyes. Well she wasn't going to face another unjustified ear-bashing. If she was in trouble then surely she would know where she went wrong and she knew she hadn't done anything.

Before either of them could say anything else, they were sent into Strauss' office and neither of them sat down, choosing to stand. Strauss gave them a sharp look at their refusal to sit down but dismissed it as she considered what was before her. These two were becoming a serious pair of thorns in her side and she would have to deal with them and deal with them soon.

"Agents," Strauss began but before she could say anything else, Emily interrupted her.

"We have it on good authority you have no evidence." Emily said quickly and Hotch quickly bit his tongue to stop himself laughing at Strauss' dumbstruck expression and Emily quickly smirked before masking it as Strauss' expression went from shock to pure fury.

Then the yelling matches began.

**Rule 28: '**_**We have it on good authority that you have no evidence'**_** is not an appropriate way to start a meeting.**


	29. Rule 29

**AN: Thanks for the reviews hope you enjoy this one.**

SSA Grant Anderson was not in a good mood. He was used to being the butt of the joke, hell sometimes he even encouraged them but it got tiring at times. Like today. The A Team were in one of their stupider moods, again, and had decided than rather than actually do the work they were qualified and paid for to do, instead they were making slingshots out of rubber bands and firing anything and everything they could. More specifically they were aiming them in his direction. Well, Morgan, Prentiss and even Jareau were. Dr Reid was mumbling away about the physics involved in the manufacture and use of rubber-band slingshots.

"Do you mind?" Anderson said to them as yet another eraser hit him in the arm.

"Five points," Emily said to Morgan, noting it on their score sheet before looking at him. "Sorry what was that?"

"Unlike you lot I'm trying to do some work and it's not helping being pelted by erasers, paper and whatever you're slinging around the place." Anderson explained wryly as JJ attached a pen cap to her slingshot and aimed it at Reid's coffee cup but missed, hitting the cup with a clatter.

"We are working, this is target practice." Morgan replied as he reloaded his slingshot but didn't fire.

"No that's being childish." Anderson argued wincing as Emily's eraser hit him in the side of the head.

"Fifty points," Reid noted breaking off from his ramble to add to Emily's score as the other agents gave him an exasperated look.

"Ok if it makes you feel better, we'll use other targets," JJ offered as she again reloaded her slingshot and aimed it at the glass doors. After a dull thwack, JJ turned to the others and gave herself 100 points.

Anderson shook his head at the team before returning to his desk and actually being more professional by actually doing some work; not just pretending like some people. It drove him mad sometimes when the A team did that, mainly because they hardly ever got in trouble. If the rest of them even attempted half of what they did then they would more than likely be fired; however considering the A Team always had Hotch and Rossi on their side, it was no wonder they practically got away with murder. It was so unfair.

"Ouch!" Anderson snapped as another eraser hit him in the back of the head, rubbing the back of his head he turned to see Rossi standing on the walkway, his own elastic slingshot between his fingers as he called down to get the rest of the team's attention.

"I believe that shot is worth at least 150 points." Rossi said before returning to his office. Anderson rubbed his head and watched the agents continue playing with their office-made slingshots.

He hated his job sometimes.

**Rule 29: Anderson is not to be used as target practice. **


	30. Rule 30

**AN: Thanks for all your reviews, I hope you enjoy this one. This time I'm attempting to do a no-dialogue chapter so hopefully it works.**

To this day, the perpetrator remains unknown. The identity of the brave/reckless soul who managed to descend the entirety of the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Bureau into nothing short of chaos within a matter of seconds still remained a mystery. Even though by this day, several years had passed since the incident, the memory of it was enough to trigger flashbacks, nausea and disgust at the events of that day.

And considering the fact that these people routinely came across rotting corpses, interrogated serial killers, paid witness to some of the most horrific sights on this planet with little to no flinching; that was a major feat to have accomplished by the unknown perpetrator.

It was all over in a matter of seconds. A small device was thrown through the door and as it detonated, chaos ensued. Chairs were shoved back, agents fought to escape first, some fell victim straight away unable to move or escape as the effect took hold. The whole of the sixth floor was on lockdown for the remainder of the day as they waited for the place to become decontaminated. The effects of what happened were long lasting.

Agents were unable to do the work as it had been left behind, arguments over who did it and who the target was lasted for a week, the immediate effects hung with them all day, no matter what they said and did otherwise and it was something they still could debate, discuss and try and work out who did it. A new rule was put into place in the BAU that day, one which nobody was foolish enough to try and break since.

After all, stink bombs and FBI agents really didn't mix.

**Rule 30: Detonating stink bombs in the bullpen is forbidden.**


	31. Rule 31

**AN: Thanks for all your reviews and I had a good mixture of possible suspects for the last chapter which was interesting to read. Hope you enjoy this one.**

"Uncle Derek we're bored." Jack complained to Morgan as he and Henry sat in the bullpen, Jack was perched on a spare seat and Henry was on Emily's lap. A quiet day in the BAU meant that both Hotch and JJ decided to take their sons with them to keep an eye on them. They weren't the only ones who were bored, it was that dull that the team had finished their work by midday. Rossi was meeting with his publisher for his next book. JJ had been asked to assist another team and Hotch was in a meeting with Strauss so the team volunteered to keep the boys amused in the bullpen.

"I have an idea," Reid said and Emily looked at him sharply.

"No Physics Magic. We're still in trouble after what happened last time" Emily reminded; that was one of their more commonly broken rules and Reid looked deflated but Morgan had an idea. He had to admit, it was something he had always wanted to do to pass time on dull days.

"I've got an idea, how about we build a fort?" Morgan suggested and both agents and children looked at him.

"Here?" Henry asked and Morgan nodded.

"Why not?" Emily said, she was starting to warm to the idea. Plus it was something to do than just sit around being bored until five.

"How do we do that? You can't move the tables, they're heavy." Jack stated as he tried to push one of the desks.

"We won't have to. We just need sheets or blankets." Morgan replied and Reid nodded and stood up.

"If we put the chairs on the desk and drape the sheets over them and keep them weighted down on the floor, then it should remain stable." Reid stated as he considered the best positions for the chairs.

"OK, me and Henry will find some sheets or blankets. There should be some somewhere," Emily said.

"Daddy has one in his office," Jack supplied and Henry nodded.

"So does Mommy," Henry added.

"Ok, we'll fetch them and any others we can find. Jack can you be a big boy and clear the tables so that Morgan can put the chairs up on the tables?" Emily decided and Jack nodded.

"What about me?" Reid asked, surely he could help with the construction.

"You have the most important job," Morgan replied, tossing Reid his satchel. "You have to go get us as much candy and soda as you can carry."

Reid grinned at Jack and Henry's excited cheers at getting candy and they all went their separate ways. Reid walked towards the elevators, Jack and Morgan began tidying and clearing the desks, Emily took Henry up to Hotch and Rossi's office to steal the blankets she knew were kept there as well as acquiring those in JJ's office and Garcia's lair as well as the one she kept in her go-bag. They all kept blankets with them in case they were working late or they wound up in a crummy hotel with bad heating. It's happened.

Once they had gathered enough blankets, Emily and Henry carried them back to the bullpen and helped Morgan stretch and drape them across her and Reid's desks. In order to get the blankets to fit properly, the two did have to shift one of the desks slightly but by the time Reid returned with two large bags filled with soda, chips and sweets, the fort was all but ready. Garcia had also been roped in once she'd been told what the blankets had been for.

Not long after the fort had been built, both Hotch and JJ walked into the bullpen to find a large blanket fort had been built across Emily and Reid's desks and could hear the sound of both their sons laughing from inside as well as what sounded like Morgan retelling one of his famous stories.

"What are you guys doing?" Hotch asked, kneeling down at the opening of the fort as Jack and Henry got off the floor to hug their respective parent.

"We built a fort!" Jack replied excitedly. Reid may or may not have given him Pixie Stix, unaware of how hyper they made the young boy.

"Why?" JJ asked, more to the team than to Henry whose mouth was too full of chocolate to give a coherent answer.

"We were bored," Emily replied from where she was lazily reclining on her desk, legs underneath the chair that was doubling as a pillar. Hotch smiled at his son and the admittedly impressive effort the team had put into building the fort. They would have to build one at home someday.

"Are we allowed in?" JJ asked and Henry shook his head.

"No grown-ups allowed." Henry replied, just as Garcia had told him to say if any other adults asked to be let into their fort.

"But what about-" JJ cut herself off as she realised the joke that could have been made. "Wait I forgot you guys are big kids."

"You're just jealous of our fort." Reid answered. Like Emily to save room, he was perched on his desk. Only Reid was hanging half off it upside down. They didn't bother asking.

"Nah it's cool, only the grown-ups on our team are allowed in the fort guys," Morgan said and both Hotch and JJ took that as their cue to be led into the fort and take a seat on the floor. JJ sat Henry on her lap and stretched her hand towards a stray packet of Cheetos whilst Hotch sat beside Jack and picked a small candy bar off the floor.

"So what other stories does anyone have?" Morgan asked the group at large.

"I've got one," Garcia said.

"Young ears, Garcia" Hotch warned lightly as he jokingly cupped Jack's ears and Jack ducked his head away, laughing.

"I know. Anyway do you remember the time…"

For the rest of the day, the team remained grouped in their blanket fort. They swapped stories, made jokes, ate junk food and generally just enjoyed being in each other's company and with the two boys without there being any pressure on them. It was an unproductive way to spend the day but sometimes they just needed the rest and relaxation; the step back from everything and time to enjoy themselves. Plus it was also a great way for them all to get away with a sneaky afternoon nap and when the time to go home came, it was with heavy hearts that they did pack up their fort but agree to make another one sometime soon.

However the only problem with spending the whole day doing nothing in a blanket fort was spending the whole day doing nothing in a blanket fort and that meant being in trouble for slacking off, work to pile up and blanket forts to be banned from the bullpen.

But since when did they follow the rules anyway?

**Rule 31: Blanket forts aren't to be built in the bullpen. Apparently. **


	32. Rule 32

**AN: Thanks for all your reviews and support, I hope you enjoy this one; this is one I have wanted to write for a while.**

"HELP ME!"

The loud scream was followed by several sets of running footsteps and the sound of something or someone crashing to the floor. Hotch, Morgan and Rossi hurried out of the bullpen to be greeted by the sight of a struggling Reid lying on the floor. Emily who clearly had been the one to tackle him was now kneeling on his back and handcuffing him. Garcia was holding his legs down so that JJ could kneel at his feet with a roll of duct tape and she began calmly taping his ankles together. Once they had had Reid bound the women got off him, leaving him wriggling and squirming on the floor, looking as though he was considering rolling to freedom if no other methods of escape were available. It was clear the women thought of that too as they simultaneously placed a foot on either his back or legs to keep him still.

"Let me go! This isn't funny, let me go!" Reid shouted as he caught sight of the male team members watching them with a mixture of confusion and amusement. "Don't just stand there! Help me!

"What are you doing?" Hotch asked the women who all gave him unnervingly innocent looks.

"We're just going to have a bit of fun with Reid." Emily replied in what could have been seen as innocent had she not tackled him to the ground, handcuffed him and was clearly planning to take him hostage for some reason.

"What sort of fun?" Rossi asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. The women were in one of _those_ moods and it never boded well for the men.

"We're giving him a makeover!" Garcia explained excitedly as JJ nodded in agreement. They had been bored and had already given each other makeovers, not that the men noticed. Obviously. Therefore they decided to have a bit of fun. Reid just walked into Garcia's lair at the wrong time.

"No you're not! Let me go!" Reid insisted as he still attempted fruitlessly to get free from the three crazy women. "Guys help!"

However Hotch, Morgan and Rossi saw the determined look on the women's faces and knew that to interfere now would either result in their deaths or worse, they would be given the makeover instead of Reid. It was in times such as these, that the oldest law of mankind, of survival, came into effect. They were a team and Reid was an important part of that team but this wasn't about teamwork. This was about survival.

It was every man for himself.

"Sorry Pretty Boy but you're on your own." Morgan said and the three of them offered Reid a salute as the women got off Reid's back. Garcia led the way as Emily and JJ hoisted Reid by the ankles and under his arms and proudly carried him off to Garcia's lair for his torture/makeover. Clearly they hadn't wanted to gag him and that meant that everyone in the bullpen could hear what the women were doing to him.

"Don't touch me!"

"No! Not the lipstick! Not the lipstick!"

"What did you just put in my hair?"

"No! Please! Have mercy!"

"Ok I was wrong, they're torturing him." Morgan said in a stunned voice as the yells suddenly came to an end and they could hear a door opening. JJ and Garcia walked into the bullpen looking proud of themselves and turned to the door to see where Reid was but there was no sign of him.

"Come on Reid, show off your sexy new look." Garcia called with a laugh.

"No! You can't make me!" Reid yelled. "No Emily I won't!"

Emily didn't say anything but instead they could hear what was unmistakably the sound of her calmly cocking her gun. There was a moment of silence before the door to Garcia's lair shut and they could hear footsteps coming down the hall. The entire bullpen burst into laughter at the sight of Reid.

He was some sight to behold. His long hair had been carefully styled and curled, kept in place with substantial amounts of hairspray. His face had been carefully made up with foundation, plenty of mascara, bright eye shadow and blusher and red lipstick. The piece de resistance however was without doubt the bright red sleeveless skater dress that he had been forced into and Emily's boots (she was currently wearing her socks) that for some reason they had decided to stuff tissues down to form makeshift breasts. Even underneath the makeup they could see he was bright red with embarrassment and Morgan gave a loud wolf-whistle as Hotch and Rossi laughed and the girls took even more photos of Reid in his current get up.

Having shown his face, Reid turned and left the bullpen to get cleaned up and change back into his normal clothes. He wouldn't admit it but getting all made up wasn't too bad actually. It wasn't that different from painting his face at Halloween. The dress however; that was another story.

**Rule 32: The women aren't allowed to give Reid a makeover**


	33. Rule 33

**AN: Thanks for all the feedback, I hope you enjoy this little silly one. Special thanks to **_**Casie01**_** for this suggestion. For some reason I like to write JJ being pregnant with Henry, guess it helps form hopefully funny situations, like this.**

"WHO DID IT?!"

The angry yell brought the entire bullpen to a silent standstill as JJ stormed into the room, red in the face and a squashed piece of red plastic in her hand. The team looked at one another before back at JJ; normally her hormones weren't too bad but today it seemed like this was not the case. Angry, hormonal, possibly homicidal JJ was not a good thing. Someone would have to speak and be the sacrificial lamb but none of them were willing to do that.

"Who did what JJ?" Hotch asked carefully, knowing that it was beyond all levels of dangerous to provoke an angry, hormonal pregnant woman. When Haley had been pregnant with Jack he had been on the receiving end of more death threats than he had faced throughout his whole career.

"Someone ate all my Cheetos!" JJ snapped dropping the crumpled packet to the floor. The team looked at one another in horror. It was basic common sense not to steal food from a pregnant woman, much less the food she had most of her cravings for. Who could be that stupid? That suicidal to risk something like that? Morgan couldn't help it and let out a snicker which had JJ turning on him like an angry wolf.

"I should have known it was you!" JJ insisted shoving him sharply and Morgan held up his hands defensively.

"It wasn't me I swear." Morgan replied innocently. It hadn't been him. He didn't even like Cheetos anyway.

"Look JJ calm down," Emily said, holding up her hands and taking a step towards her. This however didn't help.

"Don't tell me to calm down when I have a five pound 'bundle of joy' using my insides as soccer balls! Someone stole my Cheetos and when I find who it is I am going to kill them as slowly and painfully as humanly possible!" JJ threatened and the men all shared a look, well aware that JJ was not kidding. None of them liked to admit it but JJ scared them enough when she was angry. Angry, hormonal and pregnant JJ was at least ten times scarier.

Emily glanced back at the team who all gave her encouraging looks and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. What brave manly men they were. Not. Once again it was up to her to actually do sort things out. Emily walked over to JJ and put her arms around her and felt JJ relax into the hug.

"It's OK," Emily reassured. "Come on, what do you say we go and buy you some more Cheetos and take a long lunch, get you out of here for a while?"

"That sounds good," JJ replied, now feeling a little bit embarrassed about her outburst. Will was so going to hear about this when he got home. She wasn't going to apologise though, someone stole her Cheetos!

"JJ, Prentiss, why don't you take the rest of the day. We can handle anything that comes up." Hotch offered and the two women nodded. Emily picked up her bag and as they left the bullpen to get JJ's bag, all four male agents breathed audible sighs of relief. The danger had passed and they had survived another day. Once they were certain the two women, especially JJ were out of earshot Hotch calmly walked over to Rossi and slapped him across the back of the head.

"The hell was that for?" Rossi asked defensively as Hotch glared at him.

"Next time don't steal JJ's Cheetos. You could have gotten us killed." Hotch replied and walked back into his office as Reid and Morgan calmly back to their work, silently agreeing to not even think of doing anything to anger JJ until the baby was born.

They enjoyed living too much to do that.

**Rule 33: If you value your life, never steal JJ's Cheetos. **


	34. Rule 34

**AN: Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews, seriously I cannot tell you how much it means to me. A special mention to **_**GleeJunkie007**_** for all the amazing reviews as well as being the 400****th**** reviewer. I hope you enjoy this one.**

To put it bluntly, Derek Morgan felt like crap. His head was pounding, his stomach was churning, he could barely sit up without feeling dizzy, his nose was completely stuffed up, his throat felt like it was on fire. He couldn't even find the energy to move or do anything but reach up to feel his sweating forehead and draw the blanket around his shivering body. He didn't have to be a doctor to know he had the flu. There was no way he could go into work. He couldn't even think or get out of bed; much less spend the day doing paperwork or hunting serial killers.

Morgan gathered up all of his limited strength and groped for his phone which lay abandoned on his bedside tablet. Squinting against the unnaturally harsh brightness of the screen, he managed to find and dial Hotch's number. He coughed painfully several times before Hotch finally answered the phone.

"Hotchner."

"Hey it's Morgan," Morgan croaked, he was barely able to talk. "I can't come in I'm sick."

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked; JJ had just given them their latest case, an emergency one in Alabama. At the same time however, they couldn't afford to have all of them getting sick.

"Hotch I mean it man, I am literally dying over here." Morgan replied before breaking off into a coughing fit.

"Alright, you get some rest and we'll take the case without you. Try and get some rest and I'll see if I can send Garcia around to help you." Hotch replied and hung up to find Garcia and Emily looking at him curiously.

"What's wrong?" Garcia asked looking worried.

"Morgan's sick so he won't be able to work this case, Garcia do you think you'd be able to check in on him when we're gone?" Hotch asked and Garcia nodded

"Anything to help my Chocolate Thunder get better." Garcia said and went off to her lair to grab her bag in order to most likely buy out a pharmacy and buy anything and everything to make Morgan feel better.

"So what's wrong with him?" Emily asked Hotch who shrugged his shoulders.

"By the sounds of it he's got a bad flu but according to Morgan he wasn't calling in sick; he was actually calling in dead." Hotch replied with a small smile and Emily shook her head, feigning a look of disappointment.

"Here I thought I was the only one who could do that." Emily quipped before noting the look on Hotch's face and bit on her lip. "Too soon?"

"A little bit," Hotch replied as they went and fetched their go-nags in order to meet the rest of the team on the jet. Sickness or not, serial killers didn't stop for anything.

**Rule 34: Whilst agents can call in sick, they aren't allowed to call in dead.**


	35. Rule 35

**AN: Thanks for all your amazing reviews. I hope you like this one. Now remember, pranks are a recurring theme in this story so this isn't the first one based on a prank but it also won't be the last. Enjoy. **

Morgan was still fuming over the last prank Reid had pulled on him. That screaming recording gave him a headache plus it took him hours to find it and get it off his iPod. It had been added as an encrypted file and Garcia had refused to help him. Reid thought he had won the battle but Morgan was determined to win the war and since Reid decided that making as much noise as possible and issuing headaches was the way to win, Morgan was going to fight fire with fire. And he already knew how he was going to do it. Reid better watch his back, Morgan was ready to beat him once and for all. Insert internal evil laugh.

A few days later, Reid hurried into the bullpen, the Metro had been running late this morning and he hadn't wanted to get in any trouble for being late. Luckily the only other person in the bullpen was Emily. Both Hotch and Rossi were up in their offices and hadn't noticed his late arrival. Emily gave him a knowing smile as he gratefully sat on his chair.

Only to leap off it again as a loud burst of noise came from his chair. Emily also jumped at the noise and her hand instinctively went for her gun before Reid pushed down on his chair again and the same noise came from it.

"What was that?" Emily asked as Reid looked at the bottom of his chair and found an air horn taped just underneath the seat. Reid detached it and held it up before turning to Emily.

"Was this you?" Reid asked and Emily shook her head.

"Would I have reacted the way I did if it was?" Emily countered and the noise caused by the air horn hadn't gone unnoticed as both Hotch and Rossi emerged from their offices at the noise.

"What is going on?" Hotch asked looking at the two agents as Reid finally worked out what had happened. Oh it was on!

"Someone and I think I know who put an air horn under my chair." Reid explained, his brilliant mind already plotting revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge.

"Get rid of it and get back to work then." Hotch replied and Rossi gave Reid a knowing grin; he knew Morgan wasn't going to let that last prank slide but he was all for letting the two agents have their fun.

Reid tossed the air horn into a trash bin and sat back at his desk and began working through the pile of paperwork on his desk. Not long afterwards however, his need for caffeine made itself known and Reid walked over to the kitchen area to make himself coffee. When he saw the sugar jar was empty, he innocently went fetched sugar from the cupboard it was kept in and almost had a heart attack as another air horn which was hidden inside the cupboard was triggered as he shut the door again. This time Emily laughed and as if on cue, Morgan emerged from his office, a wicked grin on his face as Reid tried to get his heart rate under control again.

"What's the matter Reid, you look like you've seen a ghost." Morgan commented as he got himself coffee. Again Reid tossed the air horn into the bin and glared at Morgan.

"I will destroy you." Reid vowed as JJ entered with another case file. After a quick briefing, they passed the case and basic profile onto the B team and went back to work. This time Morgan and JJ loitered in the bullpen, JJ to get some coffee and have a quick gossip with Emily and Morgan to show off just how evilly he had planned this little prank. All throughout the briefing, Reid had been nervous and jumpy, hardly daring to even sit at the table or say anything. This was hilarious.

"Hey Reid you wouldn't have a stapler I could borrow could you?" Morgan asked innocently, ignoring the suspicious look Reid gave him as he opened his desk drawer, handed Morgan the stapler and carefully pushed the drawer shut again, expecting yet another air horn to go off in his face. Reid turned to hand the stapler to Morgan, who quick as a flash pulled a third air horn out from where he had hidden it in the hem of his jeans and hidden by his shirt and let a loud blast from the horn off in Reid's face.

Reid fell to the floor in shock and JJ shouted loudly and looked as though she was about to do something but Emily, sensing blood, grabbed her arm and shook her head. This was between the boys. They would be smarter to stay out of it. Sure enough Reid got up and before anyone could say or do anything, with some previously unknown or hidden strength, Reid tackled Morgan and began throwing punches at him. Morgan was initially too shocked to react before instinct took over and he began blocking the shots. Hotch and Rossi who had heard yet another air horn blast quickly ran down from their offices and pulled Reid off Morgan.

"What the hell is going today?" Hotch demanded, giving both Reid and Morgan a Level Two glare that had them feeling more than a little scared.

"He put air horns everywhere and been tormenting me all day." Reid insisted.

"Hey he started it. I was only getting back at him for what he did to me!" Morgan claimed.

"Alright that's it. Your prank war has gotten way out of hand and gone way too far. The next one of you who pranks the other is going to be suspended from work for a month. No arguments. Also if anyone brings one of these into the BAU again, they're suspended." Hotch ordered as he and Rossi let Reid go. Morgan tossed the air horn into the trash and the rest of the day was passed with neither agent saying another word to each other.

Reid was contemplating the risks involved in one last retaliatory prank against Morgan when he considered Hotch's warning and hit a brainwave. Reid hurried to find Morgan and explain his plan. Maybe it was time to put aside their differences and unite their pranking skills into an alliance wherein they didn't prank each other but instead they pranked together. But as they came up with a plan, the first thing Reid was insistent be ruled out were air horns. Aside from that, anything and everything was fair game.

After all, Hotch had said Morgan and Reid weren't to prank each other…

**Rule 35: Air Horns are banned from the BAU**Hot


	36. Rule 36

**AN: This chapter is dedicated to everyone who wanted to see Morgan and Reid getting back at everyone on the team as well as **_**BlackDeath6**_** who gave me the idea. So hopefully this is both amusing and dramatic. I hope you all enjoy it.**

None of them could have expected the full scale terror that exploded when Morgan and Reid put aside their differences and began working together to prank the team. It was like the events leading up to that truce were the pieces of a time bomb waiting to go off and once it had, none of them escaped the fall out. Every single one of them fell victim to vicious pranks that ranged from water bombs to scare pranks to constant prank calls to gluing doors shut to cherry bombs being let off in offices and the bullpen and anything and everything their twisted minds came up with; nobody on the team was safe.

Something had to be done and it had to be done quickly.

After their latest prank which involved tarantulas being let loose in the bullpen, screaming through megaphones and a dozen glitter and glue bombs; the team had had enough. Whilst Morgan and Reid hid, the rest of the team cleaned themselves up and convened in a stairwell where they were hidden away from prying eyes and listening ears. They were through being the butts of the pranks and they had to fight back and end this once and for all.

"So what do we do?" Garcia asked, still shaking from shock and JJ put her arms around her.

"Say the word and I can make sure they're never found. I still have my connections." Emily said darkly.

"We can't do that." Hotch replied. "They'd know it was us."

"True, so what do we do about Dumb and Dumber?" Rossi asked the group at large. They had to do something to end this reign of terror once and for all. Talking to them wouldn't work; pranking them back would only provoke them further and they couldn't go running and telling tales. That would just result in them all being in trouble for their team being 'out of control'. The last thing they wanted to do was involve Strauss or that jerk Senator Crammer.

"We can't reason with them; we can't retaliate and we can't involve anyone but us. There's only one thing I can think of to do." Hotch said, giving the team a hard look. "It won't be easy but if we're going to stop this once and for all, I think it's our only option."

"You don't mean FSM, we haven't done that since…" Emily began, looking at Hotch. Surely this was a little drastic. Then again, what option did they have?

"It's the only way." Hotch replied. "This will take planning."

"Well we can't go back into the bullpen until they catch those damn spiders and clean that glitter up so we have all the time." JJ replied and Rossi nodded.

"Alright, here's what we do…"

A few days later, when the plans had been put into place and Reid and Morgan had been lulled into a false sense of security after the team thoroughly yelled at them for their pranks and a ceasefire had been agreed; it was time to set their lesson/revenge in motion. They all had their roles to play and they were determined that by the time this was over, Morgan and Reid would never even think of pranking them again.

"Hey Spence, listen I was wondering if you could help me take some of these boxes in my office downstairs?" JJ asked Reid as he worked away quietly at his desk.

"Um, sure." Reid replied, looking around for any of the others. Rossi's office was empty and Emily had gone on her lunch not too long ago. The blinds were down in Hotch's office and he hadn't seen Morgan again. Not that he was worried, out of all of them, JJ was the least likely to harm him.

"Thanks Spence, you're the best." JJ replied smiling as she led him to her office and they gathered up the boxes. Reid was too busy carrying them that he didn't see Garcia or the signal JJ gave to her as they entered the elevators. As they rode down in the elevator, JJ was silent, feeling like she would give themselves away as they travelled to where they had set themselves up for the revenge.

Once the elevator doors opened, JJ hesitated in getting out whereas Reid stepped out and was suddenly grabbed.

"What the? JJ! Help!" Reid yelled as he tried to pull himself free from the masked assailants. JJ looked at Reid and gave him an evil smile and waved as she pushed the button to shut the elevator doors again. Once she was back up on the sixth floor, JJ hurried into Garcia's lair to see their plan unfold.

Reid was pulled into a room and the door shut behind him. Reid hammered on the door before he turned and saw Morgan was also locked in the room with him. Morgan gave Reid a look that showed he was just as clueless as he was about their current predicament.

"What is going on?" Morgan asked out loud.

"Payback." Hotch's voice came from over a speaker placed in the top corner of the room next to a camera.

"Payback? Come on this isn't funny!" Morgan insisted as Reid squinted through the dim light of the room, trying to find something, anything that could help them.

"Neither was what you did to us. Therefore we decided to form a militia and get even." Rossi's voice said.

"However unlike you, we're going to be merciful. If you make it through our little obstacle course then we'll call it even. If not, well, you better make yourselves comfortable." Emily's voice added. Of course Morgan and Reid didn't know what was _in_ their obstacle course; which had been set up with the help of several extremely willing departments who had also been victims of the pairs' pranks. Even Strauss was willing to look the other way as they got their revenge. Apparently she had arachnophobia and therefore had not taken the sight of the tarantulas well at all.

"Obstacle course?" Reid questioned as a light at the other end of the room flickered on and they approached it. It was then they realised they weren't in any room but had been locked in the training area. As they moved towards it, their feet slipped out from underneath them as they slid on the cooking oil that had been spilled on the floor and skidded down the fake hallway of the house set and into a large pile of garbage.

"Urgh," Morgan complained as he picked fruit peels and brushed paper off himself and Reid pulled himself out of the garbage.

"This is disgusting." Reid complained.

"Correction. This is only the beginning." Rossi's voice came over the speakers again and another light came on in the next room. Pulling themselves off the floor and threading carefully towards the light, Morgan and Reid found themselves in one of the fake rooms which had been covered in strings and makeshift trip wire.

"This obstacle is simple. Get through the room without tripping a string. If you get through this room, you will safely progress onto the third and final room. If not, well, you'll find out." Hotch's voice announced over the speaker. Morgan and Reid looked at one another and began carefully climbing over and ducking under each wire, careful not to trip over any of them. This was easier said than done and took a lot of concentration and focus.

Up in Garcia's lair, where she and JJ were eagerly watching their progress over the cameras, Garcia nodded at JJ who activated their own microphone and screamed into it as loudly as she could.

The piercing scream caused both Morgan and Reid to jump and trip into the wire. All of them which were connected to a folding shelf above them which tipped forward and covered the pair of them in sticky honey. Morgan swore and he and Reid wiped their faces and climbed through the strings as quickly and harshly as they could and stormed through the third doorway where they were both covered in feathers by Rossi and Hotch who were stood on either side of the doorway, waiting on them. In front of them Emily stood holding the microphone they had been speaking through throughout the whole thing and had a wicked grin on her face.

"Looks like you two failed our obstacle course but we hope you learned your lesson. Prank any of us again and next time, our little militia will be a hit squad." Emily threatened as Hotch and Rossi quickly exchanged a high five as Morgan and Reid glared at them but ultimately knew they were defeated.

"How did you pull all this off?" Reid asked as he dejectedly tried to push some of the feathers off his clothes however they had stuck fast to the honey and only succeeded in making his fingers sticky.

"The five of us put our heads together, combined our inner dark sides and got help from the other departments. You pissed a whole lot of people off." Rossi explained.

"Also Garcia and JJ have been recording this whole thing." Hotch added, giving them a rare amused smile. "I think you'll be quite famous on the internet."

"OK, if I wasn't so mad I'd admit I was impressed." Morgan said, by any standards, it was a massive and impressive prank. Nothing had been left out, it had been scary, it had been probably amusing to watch, he and Reid had been justly punished and humiliated. If it had been anyone else but them having to go through it, it would have been hilarious.

"Anyway I think we're all in agreement; no more pranking team members. Anyone in the BAU is officially off limits for pranking. Agreed?" Rossi said, looking at them all.

"Agreed," the other four agents chorused and they heard JJ and Garcia voice their agreement over the microphone.

"Alright why don't the Chicken Little's go get cleaned up and we'll make a start clearing this mess. Then when it's done we actually put that agreement in writing. First one to break it gets the militia after them," Hotch reasoned and the team nodded in agreement. All was fair in pranks and war but now the pranking was over and the peace treaty had to be signed.

However rules and treaties were so easily broken…

**Rule 36: The BAU team will not form a militia or use threatening force to end a prank war**


	37. Rule 37

**AN: Thanks to everyone for their feedback and support. It had been pointed out that I hadn't included Elle in this story, it's nothing against her character because I did like Elle, I just wasn't confident about writing her but I'll give it a shot.**

Elle gave Morgan a knowing look as he got caught by Reid attempting to slip a few of his files onto Reid's desk. Amateur. She had already mastered the art of slipping files when the genius was distracted and had done so already today. Morgan shook his head, admitting defeat as he sat down at his desk and began writing up his own work.

After a few minutes, Elle turned around to face Reid who was working away in his own world and smiled at him. She was well aware from the day they met how much of a genius Reid was but there was almost a sort of naïve innocence he had too. They didn't like to treat him differently because of it, after all, he was an adult too but sometimes little opportunities to mess with his head a bit did tend to arise. It wasn't anything spiteful, just their little bit of fun. Besides if he wanted to, Reid could and would run intellectual rings around them and get his own back.

"Hey Reid I was wondering, how do you keep a genius in suspense?" Elle asked and as Reid and Morgan both gave her confused looks, Reid began to seriously contemplate a valid answer but came up empty.

"Well it depends on what sort of suspense really," Reid answered but even he knew that wasn't a good enough answer. Morgan meanwhile had realised what Elle had asked and pressed a fist to his mouth to hide his laughter.

"You don't know?" Morgan asked and Reid looked suitably confused. It was actually kind of cute, like a little confused puppy.

"No, how do you keep a genius in suspense?" Reid asked and Elle had to bit her lip to stop herself laughing. This was funnier than she expected. Mr IQ of 187 couldn't work out what the joke was.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." Elle replied and turned her focus back to her work as at his desk Reid sat mumbling to himself and tried to work out the answer to the question Elle asked him.

It took him longer than he cared to admit to work out it had been a deliberate joke.

**Rule 37: Asking Reid 'How do you keep a genius in suspense' and not answering isn't funny. **


	38. Rule 38

**AN: Thanks for the reviews and support. This has been a popular request and I hope you enjoy it.**

"I was not scared, I fell asleep halfway through." Morgan claimed as the team sat grouped in the bullpen.

"Of course you did, that's why you screamed like a little girl when she came out of the TV." JJ claimed rolling her eyes. The five of them, JJ, Emily, Reid, Morgan and Garcia decided to watch The Ring last night and it seemed that Garcia hadn't been the only one who had been freaked out by it.

"I didn't scream." Morgan claimed and the others shared a look.

"Of course you didn't." Garcia said with mock sympathy. At least she could admit horror films scared the crap out of her. Unlike someone.

"Yeah, just like you didn't freak when we watched The Grudge. Just admit it Morgan, J-Horror scares the hell out of you, and they weren't even the original versions." Emily said and Morgan gave them a sharp look.

"I was not scared." Morgan insisted and Reid grinned.

"Of course not. You just have a habit of screaming like a little girl or freaking out for no reason. Like that time you got stuck in the elevator." Reid reminded, carefully forgetting the part where he had been just as freaked then.

"Oh _I_ freaked?!" Morgan challenged and stood up. "I was not scared. I don't get scared."

With that Morgan walked off and the team looked at one another. Well that was something they were obviously going to take as a challenge. There was only one course of action they could take. It was immature admittedly but it was also the only option they had. Besides, it had been a while since they had all did something stupid and needed the amusement.

Morgan sat in his office, working away at a case file when the phone on his desk rang. Morgan set his pen down and grabbed the handset.

"Morgan," he said by way of greeting. For a moment there was nothing then he heard a breathing noise before someone spoke.

"_Seven days_," an unfamiliar voice whispered before the call hung up. Morgan glared at the phone and quickly tried to trace the number but got nothing. Morgan dismissed it and went back to work. Half an hour later the phone rang again and he answered it. This time it was a work call but once he hung up, it rang again.

"_You will die in seven days_." A different voice whispered this time and Morgan hung up the phone. This was starting to annoy him. Morgan walked down into the bullpen where Emily and Reid were talking as they did their work.

"You're not funny." Morgan said to the pair who looked up at him.

"What are you talking about?" Reid asked curiously.

"The 'seven days' phone call. That's not funny." Morgan said and Emily gave him a look.

"Morgan we're up to our eyes in old files, even if we had the time to prank call you, we wouldn't. So if you're finished with the accusations, I'd like to get some work done." Emily said as her own phone rang. "Prentiss?"

Morgan and Reid watched as Emily gave them a confused look and hung up the phone. "What?" Morgan asked.

"I just got the same call." Emily told them and Morgan now looked concerned.

"It has to be someone pranking us." Morgan said but Reid gave him a look.

"Who? The three of us are here, JJ and Garcia have more work than us to do than waste time making prank calls and I doubt Hotch and Rossi would be wasting their time either." Reid explained and Morgan looked at the two of them before shaking his head and returning to his office, missing the signal Reid gave for JJ to enter the bullpen, smile on her face and cell phone in hand.

Ok so maybe the movie had gotten to him more than he would care to admit but these calls had to be some sort of joke, especially since Emily had gotten one too. He would just ignore them right? Right.

Morgan wouldn't admit it but he jumped when his phone rang again before he answered it again. This time there was muffled laughter before someone, clearly Reid managed to splutter out a '_Seven days'_ before hanging up.

Oh it was on!

**Rule 38: Prank calling people saying 'Seven days' isn't funny.**


	39. Rule 39

**AN: Thanks again for your reviews and feedback, updates won't be as frequent for the next while. This week, I'm getting ready to move back to England for uni this weekend and next week is Fresher's Week, which means PARTY TIME but I'm not giving up on this story. We're not even halfway yet and got a long way to go still. Anyway enough rambling from me, shout out to **_**Minch**_** who gave me this idea. Enjoy.**

"How are we supposed to get all this done before tomorrow?" Morgan asked, staring at the massive piles of paperwork all of them had. After a full three weeks on non-stop cases, the team had been looking forward to being taken off rotation as it meant going home and relaxing. However the whip had been firmly cracked and they had all been warned that if their piles of paperwork weren't completed before tomorrow there would be hell to pay.

"Get the coffee on, this'll be a long night." Hotch advised them. Reid went to do just that as the team gathered in the bullpen, taking over all the desks. If they were being forced to do an all-nighter, they may as well all stick together. Just as JJ reached for her first pile, her stomach rumbled loudly, causing her to blush.

"Sorry, I skipped lunch. I didn't realise how hungry I was." JJ explained and Emily nodded.

"Same, I'm starving." Emily agreed and Rossi looked at them all.

"Come on, dinner's going to be on the boss tonight." Rossi said with a wry smirk as he led them out of the bullpen and to Strauss' office. If she thought she could keep them there all night and not pay for it, literally, then she sorely underestimated the team.

"Are you sure? We're in enough trouble." Hotch warned but his own stomach argued against his claim by rumbling loudly and Rossi shook his head at him as he sat behind Erin's desk and reached for the phone.

"You all leave Erin to me. Now what will we order." Rossi asked the group at large.

"I could murder a meat feast pizza," Morgan stated.

"Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese sounds like heaven right now." JJ added wistfully.

"Texas barbeque chicken with extra sauce." Hotch stated, he had to admit, his own needs were taking priority over the rules.

"Same, though right now I would eat anything you put in front of me." Emily agreed and Reid shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm fine with just cheese on mine." Reid stated as Rossi picked up the phone and dialled the number of a local pizza place from memory.

"Hello I'd like to order a delivery. Can I have two large barbecue chicken pizzas, one large pepperoni with extra cheese, one large four cheese pizza, two large meat feast pizzas and what the hell, two portions of garlic bread and two large bottles of soda... No, any soda is fine. How much is that altogether? … Excellent. Can I have it delivered to the FBI training academy in Quantico?... Yes and payment? Charge it to the account. Yes the FBI's BAU account. Thank you." Rossi said and hung up the call before turning to the team. "Dinner should be here in thirty minutes."

"Account?" Emily repeated, looking at Rossi with newfound respect. "Just how many times have you used her phone and our budget to order pizza?"

"Enough," Rossi replied with a knowing smile as Hotch playfully shoved his shoulder.

"So you're the reason why budget meetings are a pain in my ass?" Hotch asked Rossi.

"Hey the man has needs," Morgan joked defensively as they walked out of Strauss's office and back to the bullpen to try and get some work done before their pizza was delivered.

Half an hour later, Hotch, Rossi and Morgan disappeared and came back weighed down with boxes of pizza, garlic bread and their bottles of soda. The workload suddenly became a lot easier when they were all grouped together in the bullpen, alternating the work with stuffing their faces with pizza and garlic bread, drinking soda, talking, laughing and actually having a relaxing time for people working through individual mountains of paperwork. When the pizzas were done and both JJ and Reid were taking a moment to lie on the floor, feeling stuffed and complaining about food babies; the team found their moods and spirits were a lot lighter and by the time they had finished their paperwork, they didn't even feel tired until it was pointed out by Emily that it was past one in the morning. For the first time in what felt like forever, they all went home feeling happy and content; high on having a fun and productive night with good friends and the easing pressure of having all their paperwork done.

The next morning however the team found themselves being summoned to Strauss' office to explain why almost $100 had been transferred from their budget to the pizza place. As one, the team looked at Rossi to explain and take the blame as he promised he would. Rossi simply smiled at Strauss and shrugged his shoulders.

"What can we say Erin. We were hungry." Rossi claimed casually.

**Rule 39: Agents aren't allowed to use Strauss' phone and their budget to order pizza**


	40. Rule 40

**AN: Here's a brief one as I'm moving back to England tomorrow for my third year at uni and is inspired by a game me and my friends have played on man an occasion. Special thanks to **_**Minch**_** for being the 500****th**** reviewer. That is unbelievable guys really, I cannot thank each and every one of you who had read, alerted, added this to the favourites and reviewed; all of you are wonderful amazing people. **

It was quiet in the bullpen.

Too quiet.

Everyone was working away, feeling the tedium of the repetitive tasks making them feel more and more bored. They needed something, anything to make this day more interesting. A case wouldn't even go amiss right now. Anything bloody or gory or crazy or just something to make them all less bored. Much like a previous incident, it was difficult to say who started this but someone got the inspiration somehow and yelled the six words that immediately sprung everyone in the bullpen into action. And by 'action' I mean 'act like kids'.

"The floor is made of lava!"

Everyone seemed to react at the same time, jumping up onto their desks or drawing their feet off the floor. The rest of the afternoon was spent playing the game whilst working and made for some unusual sights. These sights weren't limited to but included:

Morgan jumping from table to table having conversations with everyone.

Reid pushing his chair around using his cane as an oar akin to rowing a rowboat.

Emily climbing on and over the railings to get from office to office to hand in paperwork.

Different agents yelling for anyone who stepped on the 'lava' to get off it as soon as possible, causing some raised eyebrows and some unwilling and more-than-wiling agents to either participate or ignore the game completely. The game only came to an end when Strauss intervened and reminded them that they were actually adults and also reminded them that at the end of the day, they couldn't exactly walk out to go home if the entire floor was lava. Just a slight oversight they had all missed.

But when the floor is made of lava, logic does tend to go out the window.

**Rule 40: Agent's aren't allowed to play **_**'The Floor Is Made Of Lava'.**_


	41. Rule 41

**AN: Apologies for the late update, things have been quite crazy with the move back to England and Fresher's Week, it's not over yet but I felt like writing. Thanks for all your reviews and feedback, I hope you enjoy this.**

"I'm bored."

These two words were without doubt, the most dangerous words that could be said or heard within the Behavioural Analysis Unit. These two innocent sounding words were synonymous with other words such as chaos. Trouble. Damages. Annoyance. Anger. Immaturity. Today was no different.

Penelope Garcia was working hard, infiltrating systems, gaining information on baddies, hacking some websites, reading up on celebrity gossip when it first happened. She dismissed it the first time. The second time it irked her. The third time, it was really starting to annoy her. When it happened the fourth time, she flung open the door in time to see someone skid around the corner. She shut the door again and rubbed her eyes.

She loved her job. Really she did.

Jennifer Jareau was making good progress with her massive piles of work. Years of practice and expertise meant she was reading through one case file while discussing another over the phone and receiving a third by fax at the same time. The first time it happened, she simply hadn't heard it. The second time she glanced at the doorway and dismissed it. The third time came just as she finished the call and flung the door open to see nothing but she could hear the sound of smothered laughter. With a roll of her eyes, JJ kept the door ajar and returned to work.

Really, her toddler son was more mature than her friends sometimes.

Dave Rossi was trying his best to overcome writer's block when some well-honed instincts told him something was off. Also the sound of muffled laughter and whispered encouragement told him that his younger teammates were planning something. Not that he minded, he had been young once and knew the importance of letting off steam. Especially in this job. That change of thought changed rapidly after within the space of thirty seconds; three different people knocked his door and sprinted away laughing.

Rossi shook his head. Kids.

"OK time for the big one, who's going to do it?" Morgan asked Emily and Reid as they regrouped at the desks. This had definitely been one of their better and less troublesome ideas. It was a game all of them played at some point, either as kids, teenagers or adults. It never got old and was just a classic. It had been Reid's idea and after a quick debate of what the game was actually called (given that there were literally dozens of names for it_)_ they decided to quit wasting time and play. Each of them had taken a go so far but for the big one, one of them was going to have to bite the bullet and go it alone.

"Not me," Reid insisted quickly. He had had fun until now but this one was probably the most dangerous.

"Why not? We're not going to get in trouble. We all have to do it." Emily countered. This was fun, one of the only good consistent childhood memories she had was playing this with kids no matter what country she was living in.

"I don't know, strategically I think only one of us can get away with doing this." Morgan replied. That was his manly way of saying he was going to chicken out of this one.

"I agree, hence why Morgan asked which one should do it." Reid commented; he was less frank with his words. This had all been fun until now but this one was serious.

Emily looked at the two and rolled her eyes. Cowards. "Fine I'll do it. Wimps."

Without any hesitation, Emily turned and lightly walked up the steps to Hotch's office. The blinds were down so she wasn't sure if he was even in there or not but that was beside the point. The point was proving she was the only one brave enough to actually attempt this. Still there was no time to think about it, time and speed were essential to this game; if she waited too long she'd be caught and it was game over.

Emily clenched her fist and quickly knocked three times on the door however before she even finished the third knock and could run off, the door suddenly opened and Hotch, who clearly had been aware of what they were doing and waiting on whoever was going to attempt his office, grabbed her wrist. Emily bit her lip and looked over her shoulder to where Morgan and Reid were now pretending to be engrossed in paperwork. Traitors.

"You're the one who's been ding-dong-ditching everyone." Hotch stated before letting go of her arm. It wasn't a question and she knew better than to treat it like one.

"Not just me." Emily replied, there was no way she was taking the fall for this alone.

"Morgan and Reid." Hotch summarised and Emily nodded. "Tell you what, you get Strauss by the end of the day and we'll forget it ever happened, deal?"

"There's that long lost sense of humour. Consider it done." Emily replied before turning and walking down the steps back over to Morgan and Reid. Hotch watched the three of them plot their latest and final target with a smile on his face. Like all of them, he had played many a game of Ding-Dong-Ditch when he was younger and was willing to overlook the team playing it in the bullpen.

Just this once.

**Rule 41: Agents aren't allowed to play Ding-Dong-Ditch when they're bored.**


	42. Rule 42

**AN: Sorry for the lack of updates, classes have started and already third year is affecting my creativity. Yay for university. This is a relatively short one but I hope you enjoy it. **

Chief Strauss looked at the three agents stood before her. Why was it whenever something happened it always involved those three? She examined the demeanours of the three agents standing in front of her. Dr Reid looked understandably concerned and scared. Agent Morgan was looking a little uneasy but attempting to hide it. Agent Prentiss, who had obviously been the ringleader in this latest stunt of theirs had a calm smile on her face. She really did not know what had gotten into her best team the past while. The moment things were too quiet, they pulled some stunt or did something completely stupid. It had admittedly been amusing at the start only now it had gone on for too long and was just getting annoying.

"So what excuse do you plan to us this time to explain this utter lack of maturity and professionalism?" Strauss asked the trio. Both Morgan and Reid looked to Emily who maintained her collected and calm composure. It had been her idea after all and she had agreed to be the one to provide excuses, explanations or take the fall for what they had done. As their stunts went, this one had been one of their more impressive ones.

"Well there is a simple rational explanation for all of this." Emily said and Strauss gave her a look, encouraging her to continue her explanation whilst Morgan and Reid watched anxiously, not daring to believe that Emily would actually attempt this one. Then again if anyone could use this excuse and get away with it, then it would be Emily Prentiss.

"Hotch said it was OK," Emily replied calmly. For a moment there was silence and as the three watched Strauss, waiting for the inevitable and imminent explosion; they could have sworn that for a split second there was a brief flicker of amusement on her face.

"Then I'll have to speak to Agent Hotchner about this. You three can go and tell him I want to see him in my office." Strauss replied. Not daring to believe they were actually escaping Strauss's office without punishment or at least having their jobs threatened; the three agents quickly hurried out of her office before Strauss could change her mind.

As the three of them walked down the hallway back to the bullpen, Hotch walked towards them and after Morgan passed on Strauss's message and they walked into the bullpen, Emily glanced over her shoulder and quickly grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"Where are you going?" Reid asked curiously.

"As far away from here as I can get." Emily replied as she shrugged on her jacket and Reid and Morgan gave her confused looks. Before they could ask her why she was planning to run like hell, their answer came in the sound of an angry shout from down the hall.

"PRENTISS!"

"Run! We'll hold him off!" Morgan insisted. Emily nodded and gave them both a salute as she ran out of the bullpen before Hotch could come back. Once she was in the safety of her car, Emily smiled to herself as she drove home. The three of them had had some fun, she finished work early and if it wasn't for the fact that Hotch was probably baying for her blood right now it would have been perfect.

Still, you couldn't blame a girl for trying.

**Rule 42: 'Hotch said it was OK' is not a valid excuse. Especially when he didn't.**


	43. Rule 43

**AN: Thanks for the reviews and feedback, I hope you enjoy this one.**

It had been Rossi's idea. It was a clever and practical way of improving teamwork, firearms skills including aim and target practice and had the much needed and beneficial bonus of allowing the overworked and stressed-out team much needed stress relief.

At least that was his excuse for bringing a bunch of paintball guns and ammunition to the BAU. None of them could find too much fault with that and admittedly the temptation to spend the day paintballing sounded far more appealing than spending the day slaving over paperwork and waiting for the next case to come up.

The agreement was that they would go into three teams of two; Garcia didn't want to be involved but when Reid tried to get out of it, they all argued against it, claiming he needed the extra gun training and besides, it would be fun.

"I really don't think this is a good idea." Reid said as they walked down into the scenario training area where they had recruits practice takedowns and how to infiltrate dangerous situations safely. They weren't stupid enough to do it actually in the bullpen.

"It'll be fun," Emily replied as she loaded up one of the guns with paintballs. It had been ages since she went paintballing.

"It's not like we're going to gang up on you or anything, we're going into teams." Rossi added as he looked at the team.

"I'll be with Reid," Morgan offered.

"Me and JJ are a team." Emily added, high fiving JJ.

"That leaves me with you, great." Hotch quipped sarcastically to Rossi.

"Aren't we supposed to have protective equipment, this doesn't seem safe." Reid stated, he really, _really_ didn't want to do this.

"We'll be fine," JJ dismissed. "As long as nobody gets hit in the face, breasts or crotch we'll be fine."

"OK they're the only two rules. The other is stay with your partner." Hotch agreed and the three teams each took a different part of the room and at Rossi's command, began.

For the next hour or so, laughter, yells, threats and curses came from the area as the team aimed, ambushed and shot paint at one another. Reid surprised them all by being a surprisingly great shot with the paintball gun. Emily accidentally on purpose broke the no-shooting-in-the-crotch rule when Morgan jumped her. Eventually, the no-ganging up rule had also been broken at different calls such as 'Gang up on the girls' or 'Gang up on the boss' and it was only when they were covered in paint and minor bruises and were all out of ammunition that the paintball battle came to an end. Once they handed the guns back to Rossi and realised that their clothes had been absolutely destroyed by the paint, the team decided it was better to try and sneak a shower or at least change their clothes and come up with some excuse for why they disappeared for an hour.

Once they were cleaned up, changed and had a good cover story, the team managed to sneak back into the bullpen without being caught. Thankfully the B team were working their own case so nobody was there to ask where they had gone and for once it looked like they had escaped without any punishment.

Until they all woke up the next morning feeling the pain of having spent half an afternoon paintballing and the different aches, bruises and pains that came with it. By the time they got to work and compared levels of pain, they had unanimously agreed on the same thing. Fun as paintballing in work was, it wasn't something that would be repeated too soon.

**Rule 43: Paintballing in the FBI building is banned. **


	44. Rule 44

**AN: Thanks for the reviews and feedback, this was a recurring request and I hope you all enjoy it. As a self-confessed caffeine addict (my vice is tea), I felt for Reid in this one.**

"I'm telling you there's no way you could do it."

"I think he could."

"No, I agree with Rossi, it's impossible."

"It would be difficult for him but maybe he could just about do it."

"Don't I get an opinion in all of this?" Reid asked the team as Rossi, Morgan, Garcia and JJ debated whether he was capable of going a full day without coffee. Yes he enjoyed coffee a little too much but it wasn't like he was an addict who couldn't go a day without it. In fact, yes, he could go a day without coffee. Easily.

"Reid you have more coffee in your veins than blood." Morgan reminded and Reid looked at Morgan, there was a challenge there and even though he probably knew better, he was going to rise to it.

"Aside from the biological impossibilities of there being more coffee in my body than blood; I know I can go without coffee for one day." Reid claimed, the statement got everyone's attention. Even Hotch and Emily who had been discussing something else and not paying attention to the others were intrigued by that claim.

"I don't think you can. You have a serious caffeine addiction young Einstein." Rossi said to Reid with a knowing smile. Out of all the coffee addicts he'd met in his life and that included Wife No.3, Reid was by far the worst. Then again if he went the whole day without coffee, it could be amusing. By the looks of it, aside from paperwork they would have nothing else to do today.

"I can, I know I can." Reid said and is if to emphasise his point, Reid walked over to the kitchenette area and poured his almost-full cup of coffee down the sink. "If I make it to the end of the day, you two have to do all my paperwork for a month, and if I don't then I'll do yours. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Rossi and Morgan said nodding knowingly at each other. There was no way Reid would make it until half five without coffee. It was impossible.

"Think he'll make it?" Emily asked Hotch who looked at Reid quizzically.

"He has been known to surprise us." Hotch reminded, the youngest team member was stronger than he looked. Maybe caffeine addiction wouldn't be what got the better of him after all.

Or so they thought.

For the first hour or so, Reid seemed to be coping fine without any coffee. Then the fidgeting began. First he began moving things around his desk. Then he started stacking and restacking files on the desk over and over again. When he got bored of that, Reid settled for drumming on the desk. Alternating with using his hands, fingers or pens to create a loud, annoying repetitive beat.

"Reid!" Emily snapped, finally starting to lose her patience with her friend. That annoyance was replaced by guilt at the sight of his apologetic face. _Not the puppy eyes Reid,_ Emily thought to herself. "Just try and stop fidgeting. Please?"

"Ok," Reid replied quietly, turning his attention back to his work but he found that he simply could not focus. He was being distracted by everything and anything; counting the ceiling tiles, twisting his pen between his fingers, the fact Morgan was smirking at him over his large mug of coffee. Wait…

"That's not fair!" Reid insisted, pointing accusingly at Morgan who simply drank a mouthful of coffee and took time to swallow it.

"What? Just because you're not drinking coffee doesn't mean that I can't." Morgan countered, he was impressed the kid had made it over an hour and the effect it was having on him was interesting. It was almost like the coffee was linked to his sense of maturity. Without it, he was almost reverting to childhood.

"It's still not fair. You're mean!" Reid claimed as he sat back down and tried to do work. He sneaked a glance at the time. It was barely eleven. This was going to be a very long day.

Reid was fairly quiet for the remainder of the morning, there was still some fidgeting and a lack of concentration but he was actually quite quiet. There was none of his usual long conversations or eager discussions about anything that piqued his interest. Both Morgan and Emily were so busy using the silence to get their own paperwork done that it was only when JJ appeared at lunchtime did they realise that the reason Reid was so quiet was because he was doing his best to keep awake.

"He really doesn't cope well without coffee does he?" JJ asked the others as Hotch and Rossi appeared. They had all planned to go get lunch together but right now, Reid seemed to be doing his impression of the walking dead.

"Come on Pretty Boy, we're getting lunch." Morgan said as he pulled Reid to his feet. Reid rubbed his eyes, looking like an overgrown child and shook his head.

"Too tired," Reid answered, yawning heavily. The lack of caffeine was really affecting his energy levels. However he knew he would probably get a second wind of energy. That or he would just crash out and sleep for the rest of the day. he wasn't sure which was preferable.

"I'll stay with him," Emily offered and the rest of the team looked at her.

"Are you sure?" Hotch asked and she nodded.

"Yeah just bring me back a sandwich or something, I'll babysit Reid." Emily joked and as they left, she turned to Reid who was sitting back down at his desk again, rubbing his eyes. "Why did you make that stupid bet anyway?"

"To prove I could." Reid replied as he gave another yawn. Between the two of them, he was seriously regretting it. Aside from his total lack of energy and concentration, he could feel an incoming headache due to the caffeine withdrawal. Emily leaned against his desk and ran a hand through his hair. Poor young, crazy, stubborn Reid. He always had this need to prove himself, even though he knew that he didn't have to with them. They were family after all.

"How about I make you tea? There's caffeine in it, not as much as coffee but it might help." Emily offered but Reid stubbornly shook his head.

"Rossi said I was too addicted to caffeine. If I can go a whole day without caffeine then I've proven them wrong." Reid insisted, the effect was lost as he suppressed another yawn but Emily was now given the mental image of what a young Reid must have looked like when he refused to go to bed.

"Well you're exhausted and I know you've done nothing today. You may as well try and take a nap if you're not going to do any work." Emily quipped and to her surprise Reid nodded in agreement.

"Sleeping might help replace my energy levels." Reid commented, sounding a tiny bit like himself before he looked at his desk. "What about my work."

"If you make it until five, it'll be Morgan and Rossi's problem won't it? Nap. Now." Emily ordered and Reid obediently managed to curl up in a ball underneath his desk. When Emily checked on him again five minutes later, he was out for the count. Emily shook her head and took a book out of her bag, enjoying her own mini break as she waited for the team to return. Boys.

"So where is he? Holding up a Starbucks?" Morgan asked as the team returned to the bullpen to find Emily sitting alone, still reading a book.

"He's under the desk." Emily replied and the team all peered under Reid's desk to find the genius curled up in a ball, fast asleep and snoring gently. Wow. They knew he wouldn't do well without coffee but they weren't expecting that. They were expecting off the walls lunacy or frantic attempts to get coffee by any means necessary.

"Aw, poor thing tired himself out." JJ commented as Garcia pulled out her phone to take a picture of him.

"Leave him be, he's been bad enough today. And next time Reid says he can go without coffee, don't let him do it." Hotch ordered as he handed Emily his lunch and returned up to his office. To their surprise, Reid stayed asleep until five to five when they decided they had to wake him to allow him to see out the last five minutes of the challenge. After hitting his head on his desk, Reid looked at the others, a look of sleepy pride on his face.

"Told you I could do it." Reid boasted to Morgan and Rossi.

"You slept half the day." Morgan countered.

"Still counts, he didn't drink any coffee." JJ defended Reid as Garcia stood in the kitchen area, preparing a cup of coffee for five pm exactly when the bet was over and Reid was allowed his precious coffee once more.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1! We have a winner!" Garcia announced as the clock turned to five pm and she handed Reid his coffee. Morgan and Rossi accepted their defeat as Reid took a large mouthful of coffee, savouring every drop of the liquid, knowing that no matter what, he was _never, ever_ doing that again.

Even if Morgan and Rossi did have to do his paperwork for a whole month.

**Rule 44: Reid is not allowed to go one day without coffee**


	45. Rule 45

**AN: Thanks for the feedback and support, I'm glad you're all enjoying this. This one is a game from my childhood which I'm sure everyone had played at some point. Enjoy.**

The FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit were often used as examples of hardworking, dedicated and professional agents. People who worked long hours, worked together as a team, never quit until the job was done and the criminal was captured and ultimately were always extremely mature and professional during the workday; never allowing themselves to slack off or have a moment of unprofessionalism from when the work day began until the moment it ended.

Ignorance truly was bliss.

Not that they weren't almost always hardworking and professional but there was always stress, emotion, the effects of seeing the things that they witnessed on a daily basis that had to be dealt with. That meant that opportunities were needed to let off steam and have fun, especially in the office were always waiting to be found. Be them in the form of pranks, random conversations or like today, games. Today's game was also a very special one; one which they had all played for years and all of them were willing to play.

Morgan started them off, so quietly that he had to nod to confirm he had actually said it. JJ followed suit, a little louder but still barely audible. Garcia spoke in a whisper but still loud enough to be part of the game. Reid whispered it loud enough for other agents to look up and dismiss what he said as mishearing it. When it was Emily's go, it meant to stay in the game, she had to speak normally.

"Bogies." Emily piped up before looking back at her desks as the other agents gave her confused looks before continuing their work. Emily looked at Morgan challengingly and Morgan drew himself up to his full height.

"Bogies!" Morgan shouted before turning to JJ who was biting her lip, debating how she was going to beat that.

"Bogies!" JJ shouted even louder before turning to Garcia who was laughing too hard and shook her head, conceding defeat. The challenge turned to Reid, the other agents now aware of what they were playing and eager to see who would win.

Just as he was about to say it however, Hotch walked into the bullpen and Reid quickly bit his tongue. Once he had entered his office and shut the door behind him, Reid gritted his teeth and took his chance.

"Bogies!" Reid almost yelled and quickly hid his face as Emily immediately jumped in to beat it.

"BOO-GIES!" Emily screamed, drawing out the first half of the word before rubbing her throat. Some of the agents glanced up at the offices, wondering why Hotch or Rossi hadn't intervened at this point. That wonder was halted as Morgan, in order to try and prove dominance jumped up onto his desk and tilted his head backwards.

"BOOOGGIIEESS!" Morgan yelled as loudly as he could and jumped off the desk rubbing his throat. JJ waited a moment or two for the hype to die down before she took her chance.

"BOOGIIEEESSSS!" JJ screeched as loudly as she could and Reid shook his head, knowing he couldn't defeat that and stepped out of the game. Emily grinned as she took a deep breath and-

"**BBBOOOGGGGIIIEEESSSS!"**

The deafening bellow caused everyone on the bullpen to jump and turn to see Hotch leaning against the railings, rubbing his throat and giving all the stunned agents a challenging look. Morgan, Emily and JJ nodded at one another, agreeing that none of them could beat that and instead started a round of applause for Hotch as he walked over to them.

"Impressive." Emily commented as Morgan patted Hotch on the back.

"Didn't know you had it in you." Morgan stated and Hotch gave him a look.

"I have played Bogies too you know." Hotch replied and they all laughed. It was something new and fun to do to shake things up a bit in the bullpen when things got too quiet. It was silly, it was immature, it was loud but sometimes even the most hardworking and professional FBI agents had to just act stupid sometimes.

**Rule 45: Agents aren't to play 'Bogies' in the bullpen.**


End file.
